Category: ~ Self-Care is not Lame

I am long out of the habit of asking others for their permission to do things.  I don’t need to justify my choices to anyone but myself.  However, sometimes the hardest person to convince… is myself.

As I am gearing up to host the next Catch Your Breath Retreat, I built this list for women who have a hard time convincing themselves to take a break.  If your reaction is like many I’ve heard, (“Ohhhhhh this sounds like exactly what I need!  But [insert reason you couldn’t/wouldn’t/shouldn’t here]”), read this list and see if any of them ring true for you.  If you can close your eyes, picture yourself attending a retreat, and it makes you feel all happy and stuff, there’s the only justification you need.

So.  *Ahem*  8 Reasons You Need to GTF away Go on a Retreat:

1) Focused time to think about you

Most of us spend time thinking about everyone else.  Our kids, our clients, our pets, our significant others, our employees, our coworkers, our friends, our bosses, our neighbors…  Ok, that’s great – we are an empathetic bunch.  However, I am constantly surprised when I ask people questions about themselves that they can’t answer.  Questions such as, “When are you the happiest?  What are you most proud of accomplishing?  What is your deepest fear?  What lights you up the most?  When is the last time you cried?”  I believe these answers should be on the tip of our tongue.  And the only way they’ll get there is if we take time every now and then to get to know ourselves better.

2) Slowing down.

When I ask women to gauge the pace of their lives, I get responses like, “Frantic! Busy! Go-go-going! Time is flying! Non-stop! Crazy!!!!!”  …Sound familiar?  Weird that this is how we describe our day-to-day lives.  Being productive is fine.  Even being busy is fine.  But go-go-going WITHOUT STOPPING TO BREATHE is dangerous.  A retreat  gives you the time to pause without feeling like you need to “be productive” every second of every day.

3) Connection

If you sign up for a retreat, you do so because you are in a certain frame of mind – likely in a place where you’re ready to do some introspection, learn some things, and dig into some deeper stuff.  Well, so are all the other women who signed up for the retreat!  Congratulations, you have automatically surrounded yourself with people who are in the same boat as you.  You know, the people you can text when you’re at you’re wit’s end.  The people who GET IT.  The people who have your back.  The people you want as your friends.

4)  Unplugging

To be “unavailable” every once in a while is a very restorative thing.  What peace to know that the world continues to turn even though you haven’t checked your e-mail for 24 hours.  The sun still rises even though you didn’t respond to that text.  Your family is still alive and well even though you took an extra day to return that phone call.

5) Clearing the clutter

Get out from behind your piles of laundry, paper work, yard work, schedules, appointments, drama, and obligations…  Go to a new, clean, beautiful place where you don’t have to change the sheets or clear the dishes.  You can just enjoy BEING.

6)  Learning

If you’re doing the same thing day after day, year after year, it is hard to pick up new knowledge.  But transplant yourself into a situation where you’re surrounded with new people and being introduced to new ideas, and you will become a sponge for new information.  Then you can return to your life with a deeper perspective or a better understanding.

7) Celebrating

When is the last time you thought about how much you freaking rock?  When did you last give yourself kudos for accomplishing something, or overcoming an obstacle?  When did you last pat yourself on the back for holding it together day after day and smiling and being kind and patient even though you’re exhausted?  When is the last time you had a delicious piece of coffee cake guilt-free?  Or kicked back with a few cocktails and laughed and cried while sharing stories with other women?  Life is a party and we don’t celebrate enough.

8) Taking care of you IS taking care of everyone else.

It isn’t selfish.  How do you treat your loved ones when you are exhausted, fraying around the edges, and stressed to the max?  How do you treat them when you feel well-rested, well-fed, and connected?

If this is all hitting home for you, join us for our next Catch Your Breath Retreat for women who do. it. ALL.  You can read about our last retreat here and see some more info here.

Registration opens 8/22 and closes 9/2.  In the meantime, here is what you can do:

1. Put yourself on this e-mail list to join the other women who are the first to receive retreat updates.
2. Share this information with anyone you know who could use a break to catch her breath.
3. Remember that you are worthy of your own time and attention.  Always.  ❤️

So I kidnapped 8 women.  Just for one night.  I wanted to try something.

See, in my clients, friends, and blog readers, I noticed some common themes:

• We’ve all got some shit to deal with (old hurts, past heartbreaks, traumas, grief, exhaustion, anxieties, etc.).
• None of us seem to have the time to start dealing with it.
• Even if we do have time, it’s hard to know where to start.
• Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we carry that shit around with us and it starts to stink up our relationships, our health, and our happiness.  The stench gets progressively worse the longer it’s ignored.

Before I noticed these themes in anyone else, I noticed them in myself, about two years ago.  I had so much going through my mind that my thoughts were downright noisy.  I had a hard time focusing, a hard time staying positive, a hard time being nice, a hard time sleeping, and a reallyreallyreallyreally hard time figuring out why other people do what they do.

I started reading.  Studying.  Meditating.  Writing.  Immersing myself in human psychology, behavior, and even spirituality.  Burning sage and talking to psychics (I’m just kidding about one of those).  I was ready to do whatever it took to heal myself and change my outlook – because I could not continue what I was doing.

Once I began healing, my vision cleared up and I noticed the same confusion in people all around me.  Friends, clients, acquaintances, even strangers.  People who are tired or bitter or heartbroken or sad or frustrated or frantic or jealous or hiding or numb.

Clients would say things like, “I don’t know how to be by myself anymore.”

“There is just one person that I can’t seem to forgive.”

“I don’t know how to sort out my thoughts, and even if I did, there is no time.”

“My life is on autopilot.”

“I am fucking exhausted but I can’t sleep.”

“I don’t remember the last time I cried.”

And all of a sudden, thanks to my own experience, I had so much more than a sympathetic hug for them.  I had advice.  Tools.  Empathy.  Because I’d been there, in those exact places, myself.  I saw myself in everyone around me and wanted to pass on what I’d learned in my [angels singing] Quest for Knowledge.  That’s how this retreat came to be.

Imagine what it’s like to beat the hell out of a drum, with a room full of people who are laughing and smiling and moving so much, there is absolutely no space for criticism.

Imagine what it’s like to finally have time to go THERE.  You know, to the mental places that you always push to the back of your mind for “later.”

Imagine what it’s like to be surrounded by women but feel totally safe to say what you think, or what’s been annoying you, or what makes you sad, or what your fears are.

Imagine what it’s like to have time for a nap.  To have someone else cook for you, serve you, and then even clear your dishes!  (Wut???)

That’s what we did.  There was lots of laughing.  Lots of tears (which, I’ve learned are a very good thing).  Lots of eating.  Resting.  Discussing.  Goosebumps.  Oh, and lots of vodka.  We talked about the voice inside our head that’s always telling us we’re not good enough.  We talked about other people and why they’re so flippin’ annoying and what to do about it.  We talked about stress and what it does to the body and the psyche.  We came away rested, with clearer thinking, and armed with tools to approach the world with a calmer mindset.  (Check out the photos on the Facebook page here.)

There were participants ranging from their 20s to their 60s.  Amazing how women can help one another just by sharing their own experiences.

You guys.  You are all moving a million miles an hour.  I see it.  You’re running here and there, working hard to take care of your kids, spouses, coworkers, and friends.  You barely have time to catch your breath, much less think about YOU.  Believe me, there is nothing like finally having the chance to sit down with yourself and chew over things that cause angst in your day to day life.  Time for yourself shouldn’t be treated as a luxury; it is a need.  It’s unfortunate that more people don’t do it more often.  But that’s my current mission.  To give you time, space, permission, and instruction to breathe.  

If any of this resonates with you (even the vodka part), put yourself on this wait list for more info about the next retreat.  No, you’re not committing to anything; just signing up for updates so you don’t miss anything.  I also offer one-on-one coaching for those who don’t know where to start.  You can always message me to schedule a session.  When we don’t deal with our shit, it piles up and causes damage.  Often, we are so very close to not suffering, but we just don’t know it.  Think about whether this would be a useful weekend for you (and your loved ones).  Comment, message, or e-mail with any questions you have.  And remember: breathing is good. ?

 

Related Posts:

Dude.  Breathe.

Well, Shit. (When You’re Dealing With the Same. Crap. Repeatedly.)

This Is What Forward Motion Looks Like

 

The other day, in the midst of a delightfully vomilicious workout involving a barbell, burpees, and situps, I was instructed by the trainer to breathe.  Like, he actually had to remind me to inhale, then exhale.  Embarrassing.  Because that should be an automatic thing, right?  In theory, yes, but as the minutes ticked away my breathing got shallower, my form went to shit, and I ended up stumbling from one task to the next.  Frantic.  Exhausted.  Cross-eyed.

“Dude, stop.  Calm down.  Breathe.”  he said.

I squinted in disbelief (and because of the sweat in my eyes).  “Uhhhh…. perhaps you’ve forgotten… you just gave me approximately a million reps to complete and I have to do them rightnowbeforetheclockbuzzesalsoImightpassoutanysecondnowand I DON’T FREAKING HAVE TIME TO STOP AND BREATHE, YOU SON-OF-A nice, helpful man!”

 

…Seriously, though.  Calm down and breathe???  Easier said than done when you’ve got a lot going on (in workouts or life in general).

When life gets busy, painful, difficult, stressful, whatever… our tendency is to grit our teeth and bear down even harder.

“You want me to stop and breathe?  F off, I’ve gotta finish all these reps!  I’ve gotta file this paperwork, return 73 e-mails, and stay late for that meeting!  I’ve gotta cook healthy meals, track my calories, and be at the gym every morning at 5am!  I’ve gotta smooth things over with that friend and touch base with this one.  I’ve gotta keep smiling, never cry, and bite back my words!  I’ve gotta vacuum my car, make an appearance at that party, and buy toilet paper!  Never mind that I’m exhausted, cranky, and forgot to pencil in one eyebrow this morning – THERE IS NO TIME TO SLOW DOWN!!!!!”

Before we know it, we’re stumbling from task to task, forgetting which way is up, and becoming more frantic all the time.  (If you can relate, you’re either smiling or cringing right now.)

Dude, stop.  Calm down.  Breathe.  Doing so is not a waste of time.  It is, in fact, the most useful, productive action you can take.  It turns panic into determination.  It turns chaos into inspiration.  It turns a forced smile into a genuine one.  It turns a heavy barbell into a lighter one.  It allows you to do your job like a frigging boss.

Whether your job is to clean and jerk a heavy weight,

or not fall over in yoga,

or approach other humans with graciousness and respect,

or rock it in business,

or turn heads in your new jeans,

or exit your bed and face another day,

or set a good example for young people,

or support a friend going through tough stuff,

or be a breath of fresh air and cheerfully kick ass at life, 

you will do it best if you aren’t drowning in a sea of “I’ve gottas.”

You can’t be your most awesome self if you never come up for air.  So set the barbell down.  Push your to-do list aside.  Close your laptop early.  Extend your weekend.  Enjoy the view from the top of that rope.  Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Let’s quit treating rest like it’s optional.

 

P.S. I want to know: What keeps you from allowing yourself to chill out?  Anxiety?  Perfectionism?  Guilt?

P.P.S.  On a very related note, I have put together an event for women who need a minute to come up for air.  Check it out here.

 

Related Posts:

You’re Not Lazy.  Quit Feeling Guilty.

Simmer Down Wonder Woman, You’ve Got Things to Do

Am I Doing the Right Things?