Left-Right-Peace

I took a day yesterday. 

A day to be petty and furious and weepy and exhausted.

A day to be all the things that someone who loooooves personal development “shouldn’t” be.

I put on some gloves and took it out on my heavy bag. I beat it. I kicked it. I called it names like “YOU ****ING SELF-RIGHTEOUS LITTLE ***NT-**SS ***TCH!!!!!!” Super immature, awful things. I laid into the bag until the anger was gone and the sadness took over and I ended up a depleted mess on the floor of my garage.

And wouldn’t you know, laying on the cool concrete, covered in dust and sweat, I felt way better.

Whatever was in me that needed to get out, had moved. The funk I’d been in for a long time felt like it had shaken loose and was puddled up in a Kristen-shaped sweat mark on the floor.

We are scared to go there – into the less-desirable-but-still-completely-valid human feelings. Maybe it makes us feel evil or childish or something. But we need to go there. To move energy and send it on its way. 

Certainly, there are unhealthy ways to do so. Bitching and moaning via status update… Trying to call someone out on social media… Spreading nasty rumors… Being an asshole to the innocent barista… Yeah, those methods aren’t gonna get anybody anywhere. In fact, they’ll probably spread the shittiness around more.

But, if we can move the feelings in a healthy way (without spreading them to other people), it is like MEDICINE for the  psyche. Scream or cry or cuss or rage to an inanimate object. Write an e-mail you’ll never send. Punch a bag. Vent to a friend who will just listen without offering any judgment or unsolicited advice.

Our feelings are real. They are valid. And we need to process them so they don’t become embedded. We’ll get to the higher-level stuff — the love and namaste. But if we skip over the crummy stuff, it will become stuck, flavoring all future interactions with the subtle (or not-so-subtle) taste of bitterness. So take a minute or an hour or a day to let it all move through.

I’m grateful for yesterday. I’m grateful for my heavy bag and my garage and my neighbors who hopefully didn’t hear too much of my tirade. 😳 I’m grateful for my patient man who lets me feel what I need to feel. I’m grateful for the lightness and ease that have slid into the spaces left by things I knocked loose.

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The Truest Sentence that You Know

Secrets and Stuck-ness

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When You Can’t Let Go

It’s time to move forward. To leave a person, place, job, mindset, or habit behind. 

But that god damn fear.  It calls to you, saying, “Come on, try again. Maybe you didn’t do everything you could do to make it work. What if this is all there is? What if you’re giving up everything? What if, what if, what if…”

And it’s juuuuust convincing enough for you to turn back, even though this is the seven thousandth time you’ve had one foot out the door. So back you go to what you know. Back to the blah, or the abuse, or the exhaustion, or the neglect.

You know what’s not being heard though? The voice that says, “You are worthy of so much more than this.” Because if you don’t have any experience proving otherwise, it’s really really difficult to hear that voice.

I can tell you that the people, places, and other things I’ve dropped pale in comparison to the people, places, and things that have come my way since. But that’s like trying to describe snow to someone who has never seen it. You can hear about it and see it on postcards, but until you actually buy some snow boots and leave the tropics, you won’t have that experience yourself.

So Love, please, have the courage to let go. To 1) believe that there is something/someone better out there for you, and 2) to then make room for it. (Because, if your life is full of garbage, where are you gonna put the good stuff?)

Some of the new Amazingness will show up right away, and some will take months or years. But watch for it… And smile knowingly each and every time it arrives… And thank yourself for dropping what was too cumbersome to carry any longer. At that point, your hands will be empty and ready to receive all the magic that comes next. ❤️

 

Going through a difficult life transition? I’ve been there and would love to support you.

Here are some blog posts you may find useful:

Seriously, Tell Me to “Be Grateful” One More Time….

Divorce and Feeling Things (Also, I Cried During Wall Balls Once.)

Personal Development: If You Take This On, You’re A Freaking Hero

Find me on Instagram and Facebook as well.

For other offerings, including one-on-one sessions, e-mail info@kristenzook.com.

Secrets and Stuck-ness

The worst kind of secret is the kind you keep from yourself.

But we all do it. Because looking in the mirror can be the hardest thing. It’s painfully difficult to admit that we’re hurting someone. That we’re letting someone hurt us. That we do things we despise. That we have thoughts we aren’t proud of. 

Not all truths are happy truths.

But. All truths are good truths.

Because once we admit our shit, we are not  prisoners to it anymore.

See, it takes a whole lot of energy (and alcohol) to keep from facing the truth. But keeping secrets from yourself keeps you stuck. Only when you know what you’re up against can you finally go into battle. Yeah, monsters are scary to look at, but once you see them, you can strategize better.

This part of personal growth – finding the monsters – is raw and sensitive. It is a time for loads of gentleness and patience. Keep it close and personal for a while. Sit with it. Don’t shoo it away. Don’t go busying yourself, or pouring yourself another drink. (You’re realllllly gonna want to.) But stay firm and hold your newly-discovered truth out in the light. Watch it transform from being a secret to a guide. 

Eventually you may choose to confide in someone you trust. (Actually, I hope you do… Because there are many wise, empathetic, compassionate humans out there and being vulnerable with one of them can strengthen you like you wouldn’t believe.)

And later, once you’ve felt some victories in battle, you may choose to shout your stories from the mountaintops.

But that quiet moment when you first whisper to yourself those truths that have been right there all along, is where it all begins.

It will sting and ache and burn. But the pain that comes with these secrets is the most dangerous when stuffed down deep. So let it up and out. You’ll feel it on the way, yes you will. But you’ll be so much lighter once you let it go.

 

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