“I cheated on you,” he said.
“Oh yeah?” I asked.
“Well… It’s just that you were out of town…”
“How was it?”
“Uh… not better or worse. Just different. She did some different stuff than you do. I felt a little better afterward.”
“Ok! Well good, I’m glad you called her!”
^^This convo was an exchange between a client and I about massages. I was puzzled because he seemed very concerned that he was being “disloyal” or something by seeing another massage therapist. However, I encourage my clients to see other therapists if that’s what they want to do. Why? Because I simply can’t offer everybody everything. I have my style, my very Kristen style of massage therapy, which is precisely what some people need, and precisely what others don’t.
This is in opposition to the competition mindset that is so common to business owners: You know- “Do what someone else is doing, only do it better.” I a) think that is useless and b) would like to challenge it. I say, “Do your OWN thing and it doesn’t have to be better-than.”
This is not just an issue in business…
- I was a music major.
- I hang out with gym rats.
- I am a girl.
Suffice it to say, I am no stranger to the spirit of competition. However, I’ve learned that whether onstage or in the weight room, it is futile to try and keep pace with somebody else. Because competing means we are imitating in some way. And imitation means no originality. And no originality means L-A-M-E. For example, I sound completely absurd trying to sing like Mariah Carey. (Somebody please go tell that to 1997 Kristen.) And I can’t be sure, but I would probably also make a ridiculous ballerina, accountant, or mechanic. We know things like this about ourselves, but it is funny how often we forget that we don’t really want to be like other people.
“I have to run this half-marathon because my friend did it and she looks amazing!” (Never mind that I have the exact opposite frame of a light-footed distance runner.)
“I must lose 10 25 47 pounds and become dainty and delicate because that’s what guys like.” (Poll 20 dudes on what they find attractive. You’ll probably get 20 different answers.)
“Gotta watch my sense of humor. People just won’t get it.” (Make the damn joke. You’re funny.)
“Maybe I should incorporate hot stone massages into my practice. Folks seem to like those.” (Except there are plenty of other massage therapists out there giving hot stone massages, which leaves me free to do what I love: deep tissue work baby.)
“It is necessary to use proper APA-style writing format for my blog posts.” (Betcha wouldn’t be reading this if I did.)
I remember one of my vocal instructors in college making an example out of Steven Tyler, saying his vocal technique was atrocious. I remember thinking, “Ok, maybe so… but ‘atrocious’ seems to have made him a multi-millionaire…” Steven Tyler didn’t compete with anyone, nor did he follow the rules of proper vocal technique. So what? He was original and there was a niche for him in the Universe. Just like there is a niche for every single one of us. You’ll never find yours if you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses however.
Some people will “get” you. Some people won’t. There is no right or wrong way to show up in the world as a business owner, friend, fashion queen, significant other, athlete, musician, or artist. Cliche as it sounds, we all contribute something unique and wonderful.
It’s why “Lose Yourself” and “Adagio for Strings” are both on my Top 25 Most Played list.
It’s why I myself go to multiple massage therapists. (And am exceedingly grateful to each of them.)
It’s why red AND white wine, crunchy AND smooth peanut butter, New York AND Chicago-style pizza, & dark AND milk chocolate are all wildly popular. (I had more examples but needed to quit before I started drooling.)
We all bring something different and magical to the table. And what’s more, there is room for ALL of us at said table. So give compliments generously. Share. Show up in the world as 100% yourself, and appreciate how everyone else is showing up too.
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HOLY AWESOME!!!! I feel like I need to hang this on my WALL! Like my actual wall!
LOL Ashley!!! Actual wall= totally different than a Facebook wall! You are so funny. Glad you liked it!