The worst kind of secret is the kind you keep from yourself.
But we all do it. Because looking in the mirror can be the hardest thing. It’s painfully difficult to admit that we’re hurting someone. That we’re letting someone hurt us. That we do things we despise. That we have thoughts we aren’t proud of.
Not all truths are happy truths.
But. All truths are good truths.
Because once we admit our shit, we are not prisoners to it anymore.
See, it takes a whole lot of energy (and alcohol) to keep from facing the truth. But keeping secrets from yourself keeps you stuck. Only when you know what you’re up against can you finally go into battle. Yeah, monsters are scary to look at, but once you see them, you can strategize better.
This part of personal growth – finding the monsters – is raw and sensitive. It is a time for loads of gentleness and patience. Keep it close and personal for a while. Sit with it. Don’t shoo it away. Don’t go busying yourself, or pouring yourself another drink. (You’re realllllly gonna want to.) But stay firm and hold your newly-discovered truth out in the light. Watch it transform from being a secret to a guide.
Eventually you may choose to confide in someone you trust. (Actually, I hope you do… Because there are many wise, empathetic, compassionate humans out there and being vulnerable with one of them can strengthen you like you wouldn’t believe.)
And later, once you’ve felt some victories in battle, you may choose to shout your stories from the mountaintops.
But that quiet moment when you first whisper to yourself those truths that have been right there all along, is where it all begins.
It will sting and ache and burn. But the pain that comes with these secrets is the most dangerous when stuffed down deep. So let it up and out. You’ll feel it on the way, yes you will. But you’ll be so much lighter once you let it go.