When We Hurt

“How could you hurt me? I thought you loved me.”

To think that love means not to hurt is to be mistaken. We hurt people we love, on small scales and large. We hurt them deeply and repeatedly. Not because we are evil, but because we are humans with lessons unlearned. Every one of us.

Because I’m a human, I’ve been hurt. I carry small wounds and deep ones. To those who did the hurting, I say, “Thank you. I understand now that you are doing your best – your best with what you know, how you were raised, which resources you have, what pain you hide, and which beliefs you hold.”

Because I’m a human, I’ve hurt others. I’ve caused small wounds and deep ones. To those I’ve hurt, I say, “I am so uncomfortable with the fact that I caused you pain. That my words and actions cut you. As much as I preach about trying to embrace our humanness, this part of humanness still makes me squirm. Yet… I still ask you to try and understand that I, too, am only doing my best.”

Friends, I won’t ask you not to hurt me. Doing so would be no different than asking you not to breathe or blink. We’re people. We breathe, we blink, we hurt each other. I have peace in the knowledge that I don’t need you to do me “right.” I need you to simply be you. Keep doing your best and I’ll keep doing mine. Our bests might cause each other great joy. Our bests might cause each other great pain. I’m good with either. Because when I consider where the pain has launched me, and the lessons that it taught me, I can only see it as Love.


“What a treacherous thing it is to believe that a person is more than a person.”  -John Green
“We have all hurt someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. We have all loved someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. It is an intrinsic human trait, and a deep responsibility, I think, to be an organ and a blade. But, learning to forgive ourselves and others because we have not chosen wisely is what makes us most human. We make horrible mistakes. It’s how we learn. We breathe love. It’s how we learn. And it is inevitable.”  -Nayyirah Waheed



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