If you’ve ever said, “I just don’t understand some people…”

I see it in your posts.

A horrific news headline

A rant about how you got stabbed in the back by someone you called a friend

A story about a case of blatant rudeness you encountered


…followed by the words “I just don’t understand some people…”


“I just don’t understand,” you say…

how someone could be so evil

how there is so much hate in the world

why people lie, steal, and cheat

why some seem to have no consideration for others

how they could be so close-minded


“I just don’t understand,” you say. Then you shake your head and turn back to your busy-ness, your Netflix, your workouts, your booze, your drama, your Starbucks, your hustle, your distraction of choice.

“I just don’t understand…”

Ok, but is not understanding useful? 

*Morpheus voice* What if I told you… that understanding is within our grasp?

That we human creatures are actually very predictable and understandable once you’ve spent some time studying us. We are deeply complex, but there are reasons behind our rhymes.

“I just don’t understand.” Say it enough, it becomes a copout. Really, you don’t understand darkness because you haven’t tried to understand it. And if you can’t fathom where the problem comes from, you will never be able to help fix it. Understanding is the only way we can be of any help. Understanding is the only way to begin healing ourselves and others. Ignorance perpetuates the cycle.

But, wait.

Can you understand and still get angry? Yes.

Can you understand and defend your boundaries? Yes.

Can you understand and not condone unhealthy behavior? Yes.

Understanding does not mean accepting the unacceptable.

Understanding means we finally realize that even the cruelest acts come from wounds, not from people.

And from that new realization, we can quit responding to

back-stabbing with name-calling,

poor choices with gossip,

and narcissism with insecurity.

Because all those responses? They don’t heal wounds. They create more.

You want the world to change? Then begin the work – yes, it’s work – of understanding. Then we can bring up a generation of healers, not haters.




When We Hurt



So, if understanding is possible, why aren’t more of us trying to do it? I’ve come up with two reasons:

  1. We don’t want to soften. We are determined not to let anyone off the hook.
  2. If we look too closely at the darkness of others, we have no choice other than to face the darkness in ourselves.

I have responses to both of these. Which I’ll write later. Just sit with this much for now.