Category: ~ Owning Your Shit

This one’s gonna have to have two parts.  As it turns out, I have a lot to say about making choices that DE-victimize us.

I’ve been walking a lot lately.  Not as a workout, but more to recover from workouts and clear my skull.  A good walk does wonders for creativity and re-setting your brain. <—Steve Jobs and Beethoven would totally back me up on this.  Not my main point today though.  Moving on…

So there I was, meandering blissfully around my neighborhood, admiring the fog over the mountain, listening to music and resisting the urge to sing out loud.

^^ Like this, except I was wearing a sweatpants and a hoodie.  And no birds came that close to me.  And I nearly stepped in a gigantic pile of dog $#%* at one point.

Anyway, as I was happily wandering, I noticed a girl running up the hill toward me.  She was working hard.  Red-faced and sweaty, she nodded as I smiled and sang said, “Good morning!”

Immediately after she passed me, my brain did this funny thing.  It suddenly went to a place of “SHOULD.”  It started telling me things like, “Gee Kristen, maybe you *should* be running right now.  You *would* be burning more calories if you would just sprint up the hills like her.  You *could* totally be working harder instead of just… walking.”

One minute: Cheerful enjoyment of exactly who/what/where I was.

Next minute: Guilty remorse over shoulda-woulda-coulda.

BAM.  Just like that.  Amazing how quickly this happens- often because of the comparison trap I’ve discussed before.  See how powerful our thoughts are?  Nothing had changed in that moment except my thinking.  And this “shoulding all over myself” mindset was totally not useful.

My problem with the Land of Should is that IT IS NOT REALITY.  And when your thoughts don’t match reality, you have no power; you are weakened.  There is no “should” – Only did or didn’t.  Do or don’t.  Will or won’t.  Let’s explore this concept using my little walking experience….

Made-up belief that momentarily caused worry, insecurity, and weakness:

“I *should* have sprinted up the hills.”

Alternative TRUE statements that are much more powerful:

“I didn’t sprint up the hills and that’s fine.”

“I have done a gazillion burpees already today and there is no need for more cardio.”

“I can sprint up the hills any time I want to.”

“Leisurely walking is good for me.”

Ahhhhhh, that’s better.  Back in power.  Owning my decisions and being content.

 

Think about it: In what situations do you find yourself “shoulding”?

Here are your verbal cues that it is happening:

If only….

I wish….

Could/couldn’t….

Would/wouldn’t….

Should/shouldn’t….

Examples:

• If only I would have taken a longer vacation.
• I wish I wan’t so forgetful.
• I really could be nicer to my in-laws.
• I would totally eat healthier, if only ____.
• I shouldn’t criticize, but ____.

 

Preferable Power Statements:

• I choose to be grateful for the time off.  (And for my job!)
• I have the tendency to be forgetful.  I will stock up on Post-it notes and set many reminders in my phone.
• I have a difficult time with my in-laws, but I am in charge of how much time I spend with them.
• If I think about it, there is nothing stopping me from eating healthy.  I have chosen the way I eat.  I will accept it or change it.
• I will choose to hold my tongue in this situation.

 

These are just examples, but I’m curious whether any of them hit home for you!  What statements could you add to the lists above?  I appreciate your perspectives and always get new blog ideas based on your feedback, so feel free to comment on the facebook page or send me a message.  🙂

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As I mentioned earlier, I feel very strongly about not being a victim and Part 2 on this topic is on the way.  Today, I’ll end with this:  Acceptance of each moment, howEVER it is occurring, means peace. You are right where you are supposed to be because, well, there you are.  Doesn’t mean you can’t change the future.  Accept reality, then decide how you will take your power back.

 

Related Posts:

I Don’t Make Mistakes!  (And You Don’t Either)

On Independent Thinking: Not All Advice is Good Advice

This morning I was doing way more burpees than any human should ever have to do.  Ever.  At about number 17, this thought occurred to me:  “Ohhh snap, the trainer is looking away… I could totally half-ass these next few…”

That was followed by this thought:  “I could also just crawl right out the back door there and never be heard from again.”

Finally, this:  “Get your shit together Zook.  If you have enough energy to flip off your trainer in between burpees, you have enough energy to touch your chest to the ground each time.”

I did the freaking burpees.  All of ‘em.  It was a lot of work/sweating/heaving.  Not pretty.  But you know what?  I felt great after I was done.  Still do.  My body feels energized, strong, and healthy.  Not to mention I will be burning calories all. day. long. from that little adventure.

Ok Kristen, good story.  And your point is….?

We all have the tendency to look for the “easy” way out, don’t we?  Not just in workouts, but in everything…

“I’ma just sweep this dirt under the refrigerator where no one can see it.”  >>> dry heaving 3 years later when actually cleaning behind the fridge

“I’ma just spit my gum on the ground here instead of finding a trash can.”  >>> stepping in own gum moments later

“I’ma just hit the drive-through for dinner instead of cooking tonight.”  >>> weight gain, low energy, skin problems, and guilt

“I’ma just join in this juicy gossip rather than rising above and excusing myself from the conversation.”  >>> mistrust, rumors, and lowered integrity

“I’ma just give my husband/partner/friend the silent treatment rather than explaining what’s actually wrong.”  >>> resentment, disconnect, not solving any problems

Notice a pattern?  You get what you give.

See, it doesn’t matter if the trainer’s back was turned when you did those half reps.  Or if nobody witnesses you eating that whole sleeve of Oreos.  Or if your friend never hears those nasty things you said behind her back.  Or if the cashier doesn’t realize she gave you back too much change.  The Universe notices.  The energy you put out there, whether negative or positive, WILL come back to you in some form or another.  I guarantee it.

^^This is my favorite necklace.  I wear it as a reminder that everything comes full circle.  You could say it a number of ways:

• You are what you eat.
• You reap what you sow.
• Karma
• What goes around comes around.
• You’re laying in the bed you made.
• The Law of Attraction
• Self-fulfilling prophecies

Call it what you will.  As I’ve said before, I don’t really believe in right and wrong.  I believe in ENERGY- placing it somewhere and then accepting the consequences.  When it comes down to it, I know that if I eat crap food, I will feel like crap.  If I hang around shitty attitudes, my own attitude goes down the shitter.  If I half-ass my workouts, my ass will only look half good.  If I treat my clients like gold, I will have the best clients.  (I really do have the best clients. <3)  If I spend my mental energy worrying, comparing, competing, or envying, I will be insecure and fearful.  If I use that same energy to educate myself, think positively, and be grateful, I will move forward in the best way possible.

So, my advice to you is this: Don’t take the easy way out.  Do what you know will put you in a better place for the future.  Even if that means  getting sweat in your eyes, touching your chest to the floor EVERY TIME, and probably temporarily wanting to bail.  It will be so worth it.

 

Related Posts:

Why I Quit Being A Judgmental A-hole

What Peter Parker and Penelope Plant Taught Me About Personal Power

6 Ways To Make SURE Your Day Sucks (With Examples)