~ Self-Care is not Lame – Page 3

November 10, 2017

Babe, Your Eyelashes Look Fabulous. But How is Your Heart?

Your vehicle is beautiful. You’ve got those leather, heated seats and the fancy touchscreen and awesome speakers. And it’s the shiniest. It’s so shiny it helps you forget that you and your spouse haven’t had a meaningful conversation in years.

Your eyelashes are gorgeous. They’re the longest and fullest they’ve ever been. And your ~~freckles~~ hyper-pigmentation are almost not even visible anymore! In fact, you are so “flaw”less, you hardly even think about that time you were sexually assaulted years ago, and it’s easy to push it aside, once again, and not process it.

Your bag and your shoes are stunning. The envy of all your friends. Their compliments are enough to mostly drown out the voice in your head that’s been there since you were a child. The one that says, “You’re not good enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not pretty enough. You’re just not enough.”

Your vacation photos look amazing. Some beach somewhere. (They all start to look the same after a while, don’t they?) The sunny smiles in the pictures are enough to make everyone on Facebook assume your life is fantastic. And if they all think your life is fantastic, then it doesn’t matter if it’s really not… right?

Honey. Having stuff isn’t wrong. Spending money on things that make you happy isn’t wrong. I love a good vacation just as much as the next gal. I spend lots of money on quality makeup because I love it. And I have more expensive workout clothes than I feel comfortable writing about here.

But when was the last time you spent money on your heart? When did you last invest in something that people can’t see?

Investing in Personal Development is tough to wrap our minds around because the effects can take months and years before they are noticeable. It’s no 21-day fix. (If it is, you did it wrong.) It can feel like a waste to pay for something and not see results immediately. To not have specific, tangible deliverables.

And can we talk for a second about the stigma attached to it? Like, if you’re buying self-help books, there must be *gasp* something wrong with you, right? If you are going to workshops and seminars, you must be *double gasp* seriously selfish (or seriously fucked up), right???

Well, fuck that noise. It is wrong.

Your heart, your spirit, and your soul are more beautiful than all your stuff. They are more worthy of attention than society would have you think. And they need some serious TLC because in this day and age, it is ridiculously easy to neglect them.

You need to feel. To experience highs and lows. To get excited . To learn what lights you up and what pisses you off.

You need to process. To understand the things that have happened to you. To feel hurt and let go of grudges.

You need to love. To be joyful, right down to your core. To appreciate Life exactly as it shows up for you, with no expectations.

And to do those things, you need to choose your heart. “Heart before eyelashes” – That’s a good motto to remember when you are inundated with advertisements saying the opposite. It takes strength to dig deep. To look at the inside rather than the outside. But I haven’t yet met a person that is sorry they did.

So much love to you all. Your hearts are beautiful. Time to start honoring them.

Drums, Drinks, and Time to Deal (Retreat Rundown)

Personal Development: If You Take This On, You’re A Freaking Hero

Dude. Breathe.

October 8, 2017

Personal Development: If You Take This On, You’re A Freaking Hero

So here are two things about Personal Development:

1) You’re never done. Until, well, you’re dead.

2) Failing, looking foolish, and getting hurt are inevitable.

Let me put this another way to try and make it sound better:

Um, Personal Development is a chore that never ends AND it’s definitely gonna hurt and make you look like an idiot.

Ok well that didn’t work. The personal development train just really doesn’t look too appealing at first glance. I know. So why even bother hopping on? Good question. Let’s try some reasons on and see how they feel…

Because you can’t stand the idea of keeping your jaw clenched shut for the next 60 years.

Because you don’t want to go through life hating your body and wishing it were different.

Because its weird that the biggest emotional rushes you ever get are from Netflix, not your love life.

Because the same old dramas with your friends and family never seem to go away.

Because if you look into your future, it appears depressingly similar to your past.

Because even though you’ve set up a pretty great life for yourself, you haven’t found what makes you truly, completely, ecstatically happy.

Because maybe you don’t even believe you can be truly, completely, ecstatically happy.

Good reasons, right? I bet you could even come up with more than that.

Now, there are many people for whom those reasons aren’t enough. They will remain stagnant, albeit “safe” for the duration of their lives. They won’t have to face their flaws, but they won’t get to face their beauty either. They won’t fall down, but they won’t fly. They won’t ruffle any feathers, but they’ll never be known for anything.

Alternately, there are people who have found all the reasons they need. They are ready. Ready to face their flaws, their fears, and even their finances (ha). They will learn. They will live and they will learn and they will learn and they will learn. And they won’t stop learning. That’s the process, you see, should you choose it. And there is bravery in choosing it. Like, sooooo much bravery. You will be a fucking hero because it requires blood, sweat, and oh, so many tears. But to me, it’s a worthy endeavor. Because even though “Fully Developed Human” is a destination at which you will never arrive, the journey towards it is unquestionably more amazing than anything Netflix has to offer you.

Magnificent Edges

The Truest Sentence That You Know

This Is What Forward Motion Looks Like

January 8, 2017

“But I Don’t Want to Be Fake”

“I feel like I should be an open book,” she said. “You know, I want to be authentic with everyone.”

“I get it,” I replied. “You don’t want to be fake.”

“Right,” she murmured through the tears. “But people have used what I’ve told them against me. Thrown it back in my face. I don’t think I can tell everybody everything.”

“Correct. And you don’t have to Sweetheart.”

Wanting to be authentic is honorable. But can one be authentic and maintain her privacy?

Yeah. Of course.

If you ask me what the inside of my house looks like, I will give you a few details. But I won’t give you the key to my front door.

If you want to read my writing I’ll direct you to my blog. But I won’t hand you my journal.

If you ask me if I have demons I’ll say, “Of course I do.” But I won’t introduce them to you.

The front door key, the journal, the vivid descriptions of deeply personal struggles – those are not for everyone. Those are for a select few. Would you hand a child a fragile piece of pottery? Would you give a stranger at the bar your bank account password? Would you ask your next door neighbor for a pelvic exam?

There is something to be said for keeping the fragile parts of you sacred. For revealing certain aspects only to those who have shown you that they can handle them with care.

See, some people will see your darkness and react with disgust or shaming or gossip or indifference or confusion. They simply aren’t ready for your story. They’re likely not yet comfortable with their own.

But. There are those who will see your darkness and react with compassion and empathy and understanding and openness and love. You won’t regret showing these people all of you. In fact, you will feel lighter when you do. Take time and care in finding these souls. They’ll be revealed to you when you need them.

Darling, you don’t owe the whole world a look through your living room window. Keeping your blinds closed at night doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means you have solid boundaries around what is precious.

This post is dedicated to my select few.

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