Category: Shaking Things Up

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When You Can’t Let Go

It’s time to move forward. To leave a person, place, job, mindset, or habit behind. 

But that god damn fear.  It calls to you, saying, “Come on, try again. Maybe you didn’t do everything you could do to make it work. What if this is all there is? What if you’re giving up everything? What if, what if, what if…”

And it’s juuuuust convincing enough for you to turn back, even though this is the seven thousandth time you’ve had one foot out the door. So back you go to what you know. Back to the blah, or the abuse, or the exhaustion, or the neglect.

You know what’s not being heard though? The voice that says, “You are worthy of so much more than this.” Because if you don’t have any experience proving otherwise, it’s really really difficult to hear that voice.

I can tell you that the people, places, and other things I’ve dropped pale in comparison to the people, places, and things that have come my way since. But that’s like trying to describe snow to someone who has never seen it. You can hear about it and see it on postcards, but until you actually buy some snow boots and leave the tropics, you won’t have that experience yourself.

So Love, please, have the courage to let go. To 1) believe that there is something/someone better out there for you, and 2) to then make room for it. (Because, if your life is full of garbage, where are you gonna put the good stuff?)

Some of the new Amazingness will show up right away, and some will take months or years. But watch for it… And smile knowingly each and every time it arrives… And thank yourself for dropping what was too cumbersome to carry any longer. At that point, your hands will be empty and ready to receive all the magic that comes next. ❤️

 

Going through a difficult life transition? I’ve been there and would love to support you.

Here are some blog posts you may find useful:

Seriously, Tell Me to “Be Grateful” One More Time….

Divorce and Feeling Things (Also, I Cried During Wall Balls Once.)

Personal Development: If You Take This On, You’re A Freaking Hero

Find me on Instagram and Facebook as well.

For other offerings, including one-on-one sessions, e-mail [email protected].

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Secrets and Stuck-ness

The worst kind of secret is the kind you keep from yourself.

But we all do it. Because looking in the mirror can be the hardest thing. It’s painfully difficult to admit that we’re hurting someone. That we’re letting someone hurt us. That we do things we despise. That we have thoughts we aren’t proud of. 

Not all truths are happy truths.

But. All truths are good truths.

Because once we admit our shit, we are not  prisoners to it anymore.

See, it takes a whole lot of energy (and alcohol) to keep from facing the truth. But keeping secrets from yourself keeps you stuck. Only when you know what you’re up against can you finally go into battle. Yeah, monsters are scary to look at, but once you see them, you can strategize better.

This part of personal growth – finding the monsters – is raw and sensitive. It is a time for loads of gentleness and patience. Keep it close and personal for a while. Sit with it. Don’t shoo it away. Don’t go busying yourself, or pouring yourself another drink. (You’re realllllly gonna want to.) But stay firm and hold your newly-discovered truth out in the light. Watch it transform from being a secret to a guide. 

Eventually you may choose to confide in someone you trust. (Actually, I hope you do… Because there are many wise, empathetic, compassionate humans out there and being vulnerable with one of them can strengthen you like you wouldn’t believe.)

And later, once you’ve felt some victories in battle, you may choose to shout your stories from the mountaintops.

But that quiet moment when you first whisper to yourself those truths that have been right there all along, is where it all begins.

It will sting and ache and burn. But the pain that comes with these secrets is the most dangerous when stuffed down deep. So let it up and out. You’ll feel it on the way, yes you will. But you’ll be so much lighter once you let it go.

 

Related:

Babe, Your Eyelashes Look Fabulous. But How is Your Heart?

“But I Don’t Want to Be Fake”

The Truest Sentence That You Know

 

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Egg Nog is Gross. And It’s Time for Another Workshop.

A few years ago I was setting up the Christmas tree. I pulled out the same box I’d been pulling out since college. The same ornaments. The same cords of little white lights. Normally that was a happy activity for me, full of anticipation and magic and fun and music and egg nog. (Just kidding — egg nog is gross.) But that year, I just wasn’t feeling it. That year, I sighed a bit as I had the thought, “Here we go again…” 

And that thought didn’t have anything to do with the craziness of the holiday season. It didn’t have anything to do with the giant fucking KNOT the lights had tied themselves in. It didn’t have anything to do with Silver Bells playing for the 953rd time on the radio. (Ok, it had a little to do with that.)

Mostly though, it had to do with the fact that I was facing yet another year of my life. It wasn’t a bad life. It just hadn’t changed in five years. Frequently, I would question softly in my mind, “Is this it? Is this everything I hustled for in high school and college? Where is the joy?”

I was stagnant. I hadn’t leveled up in a long time and I was feeling it…

The depression slowly creeping in whenever I sat with myself for more than a few moments.

The crushing anxiety over little things that were unimportant in the grand scheme.

The feeling that I could/should be doing something more or better or different.

I decided not to do anything about it right then. I continued decorating the tree, pasted a smile on my face, and sang ALL THE CHRISTMAS CAROLS.

But life is a bitch kind. It doesn’t let us get away with being stagnant for too long. And the following Christmas, I was on the verge of a divorce and a career change (both rather unpredicted by me).

In the years that followed, I had no choice but to level up and expand. My life had changed so drastically that I had to learn how to live with this new me. I wondered often what life would have looked like had I chosen to take a look at myself just a little sooner. Would I have needed the giant wake up calls that came my way? I can’t know.

What I do know is that we humans are meant to level up. Forever.

Growing doesn’t stop after graduation. We are destined to continue expanding for the rest of our lives. In fact, it is downright painful not to. We were not meant to live  stagnant, drama-filled, anxious, numbed-out, lame lives. We were meant to love, feel, teach, and grow.

And growing must start with digging. Digging through the muck. What’s the muck? Old habits, thought patterns, relationships, and beliefs that are holding us back. It’s not pretty or pleasant. But it’s oh, so freeing.

Ready to level up and don’t know where to start? I got you. I’ve got another workshop on the calendar for January 20th and 21st, 2018. It’s called The Muck Workshop. You can read more about it here. You can register here. If you are interested, but not ready to commit yet, put yourself on this email list to get more updates.

Lots more about this coming up in the following weeks. For now, I want to know what you think: What is the #1 reason we find it difficult to start digging? E-mail me at [email protected] and let me know.

Related:

Magnificent Edges

Personal Development: If You Take This On, You’re A Freaking Hero

Drums, Drinks, and Time to Deal