~ When You Don’t Like Yourself – Page 2

March 21, 2018

Secrets and Stuck-ness

The worst kind of secret is the kind you keep from yourself.

But we all do it. Because looking in the mirror can be the hardest thing. It’s painfully difficult to admit that we’re hurting someone. That we’re letting someone hurt us. That we do things we despise. That we have thoughts we aren’t proud of.

Not all truths are happy truths.

But. All truths are good truths.

Because once we admit our shit, we are not prisoners to it anymore.

See, it takes a whole lot of energy (and alcohol) to keep from facing the truth. But keeping secrets from yourself keeps you stuck. Only when you know what you’re up against can you finally go into battle. Yeah, monsters are scary to look at, but once you see them, you can strategize better.

This part of personal growth – finding the monsters – is raw and sensitive. It is a time for loads of gentleness and patience. Keep it close and personal for a while. Sit with it. Don’t shoo it away. Don’t go busying yourself, or pouring yourself another drink. (You’re realllllly gonna want to.) But stay firm and hold your newly-discovered truth out in the light. Watch it transform from being a secret to a guide.

Eventually you may choose to confide in someone you trust. (Actually, I hope you do… Because there are many wise, empathetic, compassionate humans out there and being vulnerable with one of them can strengthen you like you wouldn’t believe.)

And later, once you’ve felt some victories in battle, you may choose to shout your stories from the mountaintops.

But that quiet moment when you first whisper to yourself those truths that have been right there all along, is where it all begins.

It will sting and ache and burn. But the pain that comes with these secrets is the most dangerous when stuffed down deep. So let it up and out. You’ll feel it on the way, yes you will. But you’ll be so much lighter once you let it go.

Babe, Your Eyelashes Look Fabulous. But How is Your Heart?

“But I Don’t Want to Be Fake”

The Truest Sentence That You Know

November 21, 2017

Love You. Goodbye. (Boundaries and Unconditional Love)

“Well I just don’t want to give up on him.”

“I’ve already invested so much into this relationship.”

“She has a good heart under all that. She just needs understanding.”

“He’s never really been loved. I’ll be the one to show him what it feels like.”

“I just want to love everybody where they’re at on their own journeys.”

“He’s not perfect, but none of us are.”

Unconditional love. It’s a weird thing – loving someone wholly, the good, bad, and ugly. It sounds admirable doesn’t it? And it is. I mean, if you can really love everybody exactly as they are showing up, then you have come a long way on the personal development train.

However, this gets dangerous. Because sometimes we throw out the term “unconditional love” as an excuse to remain in an abusive relationship (with a lover, friend, or family member). But if one party is constantly getting hurt and disrespected, that is not actually love. That is accepting the unacceptable. And that is not loving YOU, dear one.

Why do we do this? Why do we allow ourselves to be run over in the name of love? People continue to allow parents, spouses, friends, and even jobs to berate, neglect, or flat-out abuse them for years. Societal opinion doesn’t help us out too much with this one. As a culture, we’ve mistaken self-sacrifice for heroism.

We celebrate people who stay married and pity people who get divorced.

We praise martyr-ish behavior rather than supporting those who say “no.”

We commend those who are “selfless” and condemn those who are “selfish.”

But in many cases, that attitude is wrong. Sticking by someone who disrespects or mistreats you is quite detrimental. Hanging in there, gritting your teeth, grinning and bearing, digging your claws in, swallowing your words… that’s not love. Love should feel like freedom. And those things don’t.

So where does the “unconditional” piece come in? Can you ~~tell someone to piss off~~ leave a relationship and still continue loving the other person? Of course. Try these on for size:

“I love you. From over here.”

“I love you. And I do not accept your behavior.”

“I love you. And I love myself enough to not let you hurt me anymore.”

“I love you. Goodbye.”

See? They work, don’t they?

Love yourself first. Then others will see how to love you too.

The Most Awkward Hug Ever and Why I Was Pissed About It

When We Hurt

But I Don’t Want to Be Fake

October 8, 2017

Personal Development: If You Take This On, You’re A Freaking Hero

So here are two things about Personal Development:

1) You’re never done. Until, well, you’re dead.

2) Failing, looking foolish, and getting hurt are inevitable.

Let me put this another way to try and make it sound better:

Um, Personal Development is a chore that never ends AND it’s definitely gonna hurt and make you look like an idiot.

Ok well that didn’t work. The personal development train just really doesn’t look too appealing at first glance. I know. So why even bother hopping on? Good question. Let’s try some reasons on and see how they feel…

Because you can’t stand the idea of keeping your jaw clenched shut for the next 60 years.

Because you don’t want to go through life hating your body and wishing it were different.

Because its weird that the biggest emotional rushes you ever get are from Netflix, not your love life.

Because the same old dramas with your friends and family never seem to go away.

Because if you look into your future, it appears depressingly similar to your past.

Because even though you’ve set up a pretty great life for yourself, you haven’t found what makes you truly, completely, ecstatically happy.

Because maybe you don’t even believe you can be truly, completely, ecstatically happy.

Good reasons, right? I bet you could even come up with more than that.

Now, there are many people for whom those reasons aren’t enough. They will remain stagnant, albeit “safe” for the duration of their lives. They won’t have to face their flaws, but they won’t get to face their beauty either. They won’t fall down, but they won’t fly. They won’t ruffle any feathers, but they’ll never be known for anything.

Alternately, there are people who have found all the reasons they need. They are ready. Ready to face their flaws, their fears, and even their finances (ha). They will learn. They will live and they will learn and they will learn and they will learn. And they won’t stop learning. That’s the process, you see, should you choose it. And there is bravery in choosing it. Like, sooooo much bravery. You will be a fucking hero because it requires blood, sweat, and oh, so many tears. But to me, it’s a worthy endeavor. Because even though “Fully Developed Human” is a destination at which you will never arrive, the journey towards it is unquestionably more amazing than anything Netflix has to offer you.

Magnificent Edges

The Truest Sentence That You Know

This Is What Forward Motion Looks Like