Proverbial “haters” can range on a spectrum from mild (the ones who roll their eyes and groan when you talk about your latest activity/project/workout) to severe (those who bully, badmouth, and torment). Haters gonna hate, right?
Well, that’s one way of looking at it. Today, I’d like to present another.
Byron Katie is famously known for claiming, “The whole world loves me, they just don’t know it yet.”
Right. At this point you might be saying, “Ummmmm, excuse me Ms. Katie, but I am 100% certain that I have a couple few haters. Like, people who’ve made it emphatically clear that they wish I was not alive. You’re saying they not only don’t hate me, but that they love me? Don’t think so, Sugar. I’d have to be living in a pretty big fantasy (complete with unicorns and hobbits) to believe that.”
Well, Katie is not some delusional narcissist; she’s actually a brilliant speaker and author. (Read this book NOW.) She is coming from the angle that every single human we encounter is a teacher.
That ex who constantly made fun of you, lied to you, and belittled you? Showed you where to find your buried reserves of strength and independence when it was time to leave. What a gift.
That troll online who criticized your posts and/or pictures? Taught you how to respond with dignity and resiliently keep posting. What a gift.
That drama queen who gossiped and spread rumors about you and your character? Caused you to get your act together and begin to analyze whether you are truly living within your integrity or not. What a gift.
That pain-in-the-ass customer who e-mailed at all hours of the day/night and complained about everything? Helped you find your sense of humor and stay on your A-game in business. What a gift.
That jerk wad who criticized your body, pointing out every imperfection? Led you to find new friends who see you as fit, beautiful, and radiant. What a gift.
That hater who called you names and threw a rotten tomato at you when you got up on stage to perform? Improved your reflexes and perhaps inspired you to join a dodgeball team (or at least seek out new marinara recipes). What a gift.
Stick with me here, but when a person instigates a change in me that ultimately makes me better, I can’t find the hate. Even if their words/actions seem hateful, I see a gift. I see that I’ve been molded into a stronger, savvier, more empathetic ME. Then, without an ounce of sarcasm or bitterness, I can truly say “thank you” to the haters and wish them nothing but love and good will as I move on to the next set of lessons.
^^I posted this pic on my Facebook and Instagram pages yesterday. I was so amused by the polarity of the two books that were side by side on my desk. Though they were completely different in motive, each taught me something valuable… just like the human versions of friends and assholes.
So whether they love you, hate you, think they hate you, whatever… It doesn’t matter; you can choose gratitude. This is being unfuckwithable. This is deciding to feel loved in every situation that presents itself. This is how flipping your mindset changes the entire world from unfriendly to friendly. Yeah. You’ve got that kind of power.
Related Posts:
Seriously, Tell Me to “Be Grateful” One More Time…
You’re A Grown-Up; No Permission Needed
A Lot Can Change In A Year. Or Not. (Thoughts for When You Feel Misunderstood)