“If you lift weights you’ll look like a man.”
“Don’t quit your teaching job; it’s too risky.”
“You should have kids! You would make a great mom.”
“Don’t eat carbs; they’ll make you fat.”
“You need to make x amount of money.”
“You need to move away and experience living somewhere else.”
“Nah… dark hair isn’t for you.”
People are full of opinions, aren’t they? Being “helpful”, they offer up suggestions based on the stories inside their own heads. That’s what they would do, so you should too! These folks mean well when they tell you how to exercise, how to behave in your relationships, how to manage your finances, how to be happy, etc….
I used to be someone who never made a move without the go-ahead from others. Religious leaders, career counselors, music instructors, college professors, personal trainers, business mentors, financial advisers, significant others, friends, family members… I always had to make sure that somebody else was justifying my decisions. Because then, if anything went wrong, I could just blame them! Convenient, right?
Me:
*Accidentally wears see-through yoga pants* <– “But the saleslady said they looked awesome!”
*Gains 5 lbs after OD’ing on peanut butter* <– “Welllll my trainer told me to add more fats to my diet!”
*Completely loses mind planning gigantic, expensive wedding* <– “‘Cause my mom would freak out if I eloped!”
Mmmmm…. not so convenient, eventually. As it turned out, the input I listened to over the years actually took me on a detour from the path I truly wanted to take. And THAT is nobody’s fault but mine. I needed to learn that I am the only true expert on finding my way. That inner voice? She actually knew something. I just had to learn to listen to her.
Just like magic, once I began to detach from the need for approval, my life gradually and gently changed course. Deciding NOT to attach to the above advice (well-intended as it may have been) brought me to where I am today: alive, happy, healthy, and totally pulling off brunette.
SO, who truly knows what is best for YOU? I don’t believe it is your spouse, best friend, guru, favorite author, parent, or society in general. Jiminy Cricket and Tom Petty say to let your heart be your guide. When all is stripped away, the only one you must answer to is YOU. (<—pssst… POWER!)
Having preached said all that, let me take a moment for a little disclaimer: There is nothing wrong with asking for guidance. Sometimes we need more information before making a major change, and there are many experts out there who have a wealth of knowledge to share with us. However, if you are someone who just can’t seem to make a move without someone else giving you the thumbs up, I challenge you to begin thinking for yourself. Listen to input, gather facts, then go with that inner voice that advocates for what you truly desire.
Once you are an independent thinker, the good news is you can listen to any advice, then take it with a grain of salt, a spoonful of sugar, or however you damn well please. The beauty is in being able to sift through information, deciding what is useful, then discarding the rest. Can you make a decision without worrying about whether others will agree with it or not? (Here’s a not-so-secret secret: There will always be someone who disagrees with you.)
There is an incredible amount of freedom in being able to think for myself. To wake up every morning and know that I am 100% in charge of my own happiness is priceless!
Being Miss Independent doesn’t mean I won’t ask your opinion. But I might respectfully ignore it.
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