Many, many good stories start out with the phrase, “This one time, in college….” I could tell an abundance of really excellent tales with that as my opener, but I have a specific point today, so I’ll keep it to one.
So this one time, in college,
my car wouldn’t start. I had gone out with friends to study at the library and left my lights on for hours, killing the battery. When I realized what had happened, I did the first thing that came into my head: I called my dad. For those of you who don’t know, my dad can fix ANYTHING. I cannot even count the number of times he has saved the day for me. “Call Dad” is my default move when faced with malfunctioning automobiles, appliances, musical instruments, and electronics. Even when I was married. I dunno. It’s just what I do.
Anyway, when I told him my problem this particular time, his response was, “Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t really help you right now. You’ll have to figure something out.” And it was a very warranted response… as I was attending college in another town 150 miles away. *flick*
Despite feeling a moment of disgruntlement (because, you know, in my early twenties the universe revolved around me) at my dad’s unwillingness to drive 2 hours to come save me, did I figure it out? Sure I did. And to this day, I am fully capable of jumpstarting my own vehicle, as well as airing the tires, checking the oil, changing the headlight bulbs, and …. well, that’s it. I pay people to do the other stuff. ?
But, do you see how my dad empowered me? He couldn’t do it for me, so I did it myself.
One might argue that jump starting a vehicle is on one end of the spectrum. What about the other end…. Building a business? Putting your life back together after a divorce? Quitting your job? Losing weight? Making sure you wake up happy? Fixing your marriage? Wouldn’t it be grand if someone could do those difficult things for us?
Jill Coleman, my business coach, always says, “I’ve got your back.”
The first time she said that to me, my thought pattern went something like this:
“OK, cool Jill… But actually, uhhhhh… I was wondering if, um, instead of having my back, you could just go on ahead of me, and remove any difficult obstacles that might be in my path? Actually, could you just carry me? I’d rather not have to walk. Also, I would like to know EXACTLY how long this will take, AND what everybody’s reaction will be. Perhaps you could just build my business for me?”
^^NOT HER JOB. She is an incredible coach who has guided hundreds of clients through the process of building or improving their businesses and led them to very successful outcomes. The key word is guided.
Let’s just say that Jill had done all the work for me. #1, that would make her a terrible coach. #2, Would I be feeling very independent and accomplished right now? Of course not! Because I wouldn’t have done shit for myself! My setbacks and my successes are all. on. me. Empowering, no?!?!
“I’ve got your back.” Huh.
- Siri can’t drive the car for you. But she can guide you while YOU drive.
- Your friends can’t solve your relationship problems. But they can give you hugs, tea, and empathy while YOU solve them.
- Your nutritionist can’t prepare and eat the healthy food for you. But he can advise and educate while YOU do it.
- Your supervisor can’t do your work for you. But she can support and set you up for success while YOU do the work.
- Your trainer can’t lift the weight for you. But he can spot you and correct your form while YOU lift it.
The key word here is YOU. YOU are a magical, powerful creature when you decide to take matters into your own hands.
When it’s all said and done, don’t we want to be able to depend on ourselves? To know that we can handle our business when need be?
Here is the cycle: do something by yourself —> gain confidence —> do another thing by yourself —> gain more confidence —>>>> and so on and so forth. In the end, you will have a bunch of skills and a bunch of confidence. Not a bad way to end up, right? But ya gotta start somewhere.
Next steps:
- Think of something you really don’t want to do by yourself. (i.e. having a difficult conversation, traveling alone, starting a new project, making a financial decision, going to the gym, etc.)
- Do it.
- Observe how you feel afterward.
Let me know how it goes!
Related Posts:
On Independent Thinking: Not All Advice is Good Advice
Love it! Thanks for the encouragement! Much needed! ❤ Keep em comin’
Most certainly will do! So glad you found it helpful! 🙂