~ Owning Your Shit – Page 6

August 19, 2015January 4, 2017

There’s A Reason Behind Your Rhyme (What You Can Learn by Observing Yourself)

“Every time I see a striped shirt I think of you Kristen,” said one of my friends.

Me: “Uh… why?”

Her: “Because you always wear striped shirts!”

Me: “I do?”

Her (looking at me funny): “Ummm… yeah, you do.”

Me: “Oh. Huh!” *looks down, notices self wearing striped shirt*

Mhmm. Yes, I see where you might be right.

Ok, besides looking super awesome, stripes are pretty benign. As far as I know, wearing them repeatedly is not a pattern that can make or break our happiness. Buuuuuut…. you know I love analogies…. so….. are there patterns of behavior that have a way bigger effect on us?

Patterns such as these? ↓

Dating the same person over and over in different bodies.
Frustration at work no matter what job you have.
Having the same argument with your significant other time and time again.
Constantly feeling used and abused by family/friends.
Losing and gaining the same ten pounds repeatedly.

^^I bet you could add plenty more to the list, right?

See, I believe the recurring themes in our lives- especially the uncomfortable ones- are there to educate us. They are not random. When patterns show up, it is because we are doing something (consciously or unconsciously) to invite them into our lives.

“I am just over here minding my own business and these shallow, narcissistic d-bags just keep showing up on my doorstep!” [Maybe stop answering the door?]

“I always have to fix everybody’s problems for them!” [Perhaps quit making yourself available to everyone at the drop of a hat?]

“I always end up dating the crazy girls!” [May I suggest evaluating the type of woman you pursue?]

“These last ten pounds will not come off, no matter how hard I try!” [Could it be time to talk sustainable nutrition/exercise plans?]

“You just can’t find good help these days. None of my employees ever work out.” [A clue to investigate your hiring/training/management system?]

“I have had a headache every day for the past three months and I have no idea why!” [Let’s think about hydration, stress, sleep, tension…?]

It’s easy to slip into the victim role. But it sucks to be there. Power = Gone. I recommend taking responsibility for your discomfort. You will be a much more powerful creature when you grab the reins.

Observe and then pinpoint the recurring themes in your life.
Recognize that you are the common denominator. (Which is actually really great! – Because that means your fate isn’t in anybody’s hands but your own.)
Start making changes buddy.

Remember my favorite message: YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You get to choose your clothes, your beliefs, your relationships, your career, your habits.

Me saying, “I just don’t know why I always attract assholes!” is about the same amount of ridiculous as me saying, “I just don’t understand why I keep wearing stripes!”

*flick* You bought them and put them in your closet, you big goofball.

Buck Furpees: My Thoughts on Karma

I Don’t Make Mistakes (and You Don’t Either)

Playing The Blame Game? Time to Fold

July 20, 2015January 4, 2017

Nope, I Don’t Always Take My Own Advice

Here’s a peek at a convo I had with a close friend after a particularly rough day:

^^I was obviously sheepish about the fact that my chosen method of unwinding, uh, did NOT match up with advice I had given on a recent post.

Then I realized something. I don’t want advice from supposedly “perfect” people. I don’t want anyone who has never DONE anything to tell me what to do! I prefer to observe and learn from imperfect humans who have a shit-ton of experience… AND own up to it.

If you see people you’re SURE have it all together,

they don’t.
if they say they do, they’re lying.

For the record:

I occasionally drink wine in my sweatpants.
I still get sucked up into a competition mindset, and forget to compliment my fellow humans.
I have several unmended relationships.
I am freaking impatient.
I “should” all over myself and others at times.
I forget I’m awesome every now and then.
And… I know this will come as a shock to all of you, but I have been known to over-do it with the peanut butter. 😳

You know what though? ^^I’m ok with all of that. Because I’m a human. I no longer expect perfection from myself. There was a time when I thought I wasn’t doing anything right; therefore I should just hide away. Stay off of social media, avoid friends/family, never put myself out there. Who was I to give advice? I screwed up all the time!

But then I met a personal trainer who admitted he likes Oreos. And a powerful business executive who got teary discussing a personal relationship. And an author who seriously has to bribe herself to sit down and write. And a counselor who is struggling with an eating disorder.

Woah. *flick*

Everybody is working through their own garbage. Nobody has NO garbage. The garbage is actually gold. It’s what teaches us, molds us, GROWS us. And it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Newsflash:

Your hairdresser has bad hair days.

Your chef might enjoy Easy Mac.

Your massage therapist might forget to get massages.

We’re all in this together. None of us are better-than. Struggling actually adds to our value as a human, rather than decreasing it. So, keep being human! Keep falling, then getting back up! Own every bit of who you are and what you’ve done. You are worthy and valuable ~~even when~~ especially when you’re stumbling.

I’m curious, what struggles have YOU gone through that are now useful to you and others?

Perfection: It’s Not A Thing You Guys

I Don’t Make Mistakes (and You Don’t Either)

Why I Quit Being A Judgmental A-hole

June 10, 2015January 4, 2017

Words That Make Us Weak, Part 2

Last time I discussed how “shoulding” on yourself is not useful. What about “shoulding” on others?

Hoooooo boy this one is TOUGH. Because so often we let others get to us, in trivial matters and bigger ones. We decide in our brains that other people should or shouldn’t be a certain way or do certain things. Oh, the stress we put on ourselves by NOT minding our own business!

Ahem, example time:

Back in my past life when I was a teacher, I had to ~~endure~~ participate in multiple department meetings. The amount of “shoulding” I did during those meetings would fill many, many barrels. Embarrassing, but I believe in authenticity, so here are some snippets of the stream of consciousness running through my head during these ~~hellish~~ necessary professional gatherings:

“I shouldn’t f*ing be here. I worked all day and now have to sit through this??? Ugh, she brought brownies??? How rude- doesn’t she know I’m not eating carbs? Oh, great, ______ is talking. Thinks he’s God’s gift to Education. *snort/eye-roll* Good Lord, how long has she had broccoli in her teeth? And who made this ridiculous agenda? It makes no sense – we should have discussed this topic 45 minutes ago! Nonononopleasegodno don’t let ______ have the floor, we will never get out of here…”

Get the idea? Want to flick me between the eyes now? Yeah, I know. Not very classy.

See, all those thoughts were coming from a complete and total VICTIM mindset – the fictional thought that I had no control over my situation. That I was somehow a martyr for showing up to the meetings and putting up with everyone there. Well, I was wrong. For now, we’ll put aside the fact that I was probably equally irritating to other people (another blog someday) and focus today on the fact that I ACTUALLY HAD CONTROL OVER HOW THOSE MEETINGS MADE ME FEEL. I chose to focus on brownies, broccoli, and the clock on the wall. I chose to focus on “annoying” qualities in my co-workers. I chose to think about all the other places I’d rather be. Did it make the time go by faster? Did it change anybody’s personality? Did it eliminate me having to go to meetings? Derrrrrr, nope.

40b099575405c567fa0047d89664821e — Betty Crocker coworkers or none, I find plenty of temptation on Pinterest anyway…. Geez.

Eventually, I figured out some much more powerful choices.

Choosing to be grateful for all the different talents around me.
Choosing to remember that despite our differences, we all had the common goal of delivering quality education to students.
Choosing to bring my own snacks and sit with my back to the damn brownie pan.
And, ultimately, choosing to leave that job and be my own boss. (Staff meetings now consist of me hanging out on my couch with a glass of wine writing a blog.)

SO, how to make the switch from waaa-waaa baby to In Charge Marge? Here is a simple question I ask when I find myself allowing someone else to get inside my head:

***** “Is this MY business or ______’s business?” *****

Is it MY business whether _____ approves of me or not?

No. It is my business whether I approve of myself.

Is it MY business whether my friend should break up with her boyfriend?

No. My own relationships are my business.

Is it MY business how my coworker behaves?

No. It is my business how I behave.

Is it MY business how grumpy the cashier at Walmart is?

No. It is my business whether I shop there or not.

Is it MY business how others talk, dress, think, parent, eat, make love, worship, socialize, exercise, travel, or work?????

No, no, no, a thousand times NO.

You try it. Think of somebody that rubs you the wrong way or causes you stress/worry/pain. Insert his/her name and offensive action into this sentence:

__Name___ should (or shouldn’t) _________.

Now, ask yourself, “Is this really MY business? What can I actually control?” Be honest with yourself and don’t let the “Well, yeah, BUT…”s get in your way. Gently reminding yourself that you don’t need to decide what’s right for others brings you peace.

I am not successful with this all the time. It is a practice. When I all of a sudden realize that I am out of my own business (usually the sign is that I’m annoyed or irritable), I have a little mantra:

I repeat it as many times as needed. Sometimes hundreds. 😉

People are going to do what they do. We can waste valuable time and energy becoming indignant over what they say, what they wear, how they act, etc. ORRRRR…. we can just let them be. Let them be crazy, happy, sad, silly, angry, hyper… whatever they are. We can decide how to interact with them, whether we believe what they say, and whether or not we want them in our circle. Pretty great, right? You are in control of your world, my friends.

Playing the Blame Game? Time to Fold

What’s Your Story?

My Social Media Conundrum