~ Remember: You’re A Work In Progress – Page 6

December 2, 2015January 4, 2017

Seriously, Tell Me to “Be Grateful” One More Time…

So this one time, I gave up my job, my marriage, and my home pretty much all in the same month. Instead of making life changes one at a time, I apparently felt the need to rip off the band-aid as fast as humanly possible. …And that came with some side effects. The immediate ones were unpleasant to say the least, including but not limited to: heartbreak, self-doubt, disappointing people, anger, guilt, and grief.

At the time, I remember thinking that no one could possibly understand what I was going through. Really Kristen? No one on Earth has ever dealt with heartbreak, self-doubt, disappointing people, anger, guilt, or grief?

Oh. Right. It’s part of the human experience. And we can either accept it and wise up… OR we can fall into bitterness and woe-is-meitude. (It’s my blog; I can make up words if I want.) I tried the latter for a while. It didn’t suit me and didn’t make things better. So I figured out how to wise up. How? I started to be grateful.

This is the point at which you want to throw things at me/stop reading/roll your eyes. Because when you’re going through a giant pile of suck, people saying, “Simply have an ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE and ALL your troubles will go awayyyy!!!!” in a creepily cheerful voice is not what you want to hear. Gratitude, schmatitude, right? Saying “thank you” without the feeling behind it is not helpful.

…So I had to figure out how to actually feel grateful. Simple? Yes. Easy? Nope.

It’s not a matter of forcing yourself to say, “Gee Universe, thanks for putting my heart through a meat grinder. I so appreciate it.” It’s a matter of digging deep and really asking, “WHY is this situation good for me? HOW is it useful to me? WHAT have I learned that I didn’t know before?” When you have the answers to those questions, gratitude simply appears.

In the middle of a storm, it’s difficult to see the light. It takes a little bit of faith. (<—I’m cautious about that word, but I’ve decided I’m ok with it here.) Faith. In this case, the belief that whatever you are enduring is teaching you, growing you, shaping you, and setting you up for amazingness.

You’ve got to have a few days when your jeans won’t button in order to motivate you to fix your nutrition.

You’ve got to get involved with some douchebags to know what a quality relationship looks like.

You’ve got to eat some crappy sushi in order to appreciate the good stuff.

You’ve got to have ~~some~~ lots of shitty days at your job before you’re inspired to make a change.

You’ve got to toil away in the hot sun planting seeds in order to reap a big harvest.

Good things that came out of my personal giant pile of suck? This blog. Deeper friendships. A shit ton of reading. New business ideas. Forgiveness and love for those who hurt me. Forgiveness and love for myself even though I hurt people too. Delightful clients. An appreciation for my body and what it can do. Thick skin and a stronger backbone. Independence. Being unfuckwithable.

I did not make up this word, but many kudos to the person who did. Beginning now, I shall use it often.

So, here I am, joining the ranks of humans preaching the “Be Grateful” message. But only because I tried it and it worked. Who’da thunk? ?

A Lot Can Change in A Year. Or Not. (Thoughts for when You’re Feeling Misunderstood)

Playing the Blame Game? Time to Fold

5 Things I Realized After Smacking Face-First into A Giant Wall

November 16, 2015January 4, 2017

A Lot Can Change in A Year. Or Not. (Thoughts for When You Feel Misunderstood)

About a year ago, I was reading a blog in which the author made a recommendation to her readers to “soften.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean to do so by eating excessive amounts of peanut butter- although I may have ~~tried it~~ ahem, tossed that idea around. I believe she meant to soften in regards to how we interact with others. You know… trust people, show them compassion, forgive them, smile, be vulnerable, look for the good.

*vomits in mouth*

“Soften???? Uh, no thank you. I’ve been through some shit. I have walls up. I don’t need anyone. I lift heavy weights. No one gets me. Softening is the last thing I’m willing to do. Oh, and fuck off.”

You see, this idea was not acceptable to me. I was going through a time when I felt utterly and completely misunderstood. Behind all my walls, I was terrified to soften. Because that meant looking at myself and others through a different lens. It meant agreeing to face my demons and admit my flaws. It meant choosing to believe that I am in charge of whether or not I’m happy – that other humans are just doing their best and are not to blame for my circumstances.

I don’t know the exact moment I began to disarm and look on the bright side but eventually and very gradually, I did. (It had a lot to do with this book.) To make that mental shift was the best decision ever. It was magical.

I gained new friends who had been through similar circumstances and could support and teach me.
I gained inspiration to start a blog and begin coaching.
I gained deeper relationships with old friends who hadn’t given up on me.
I gained skills and tools that help me confront challenges rather than hide behind my walls.
I gained a new appreciation for my hometown, my clients, and my loved ones.

It wasn’t about becoming delusional or deliriously happy. It was about consciously searching out reasons to be grateful. And dammit, I found them. A ton of them.

Choosing to move on from past hurts doesn’t make you naive, clueless, or stupid. It doesn’t make you weak. It opens up your world.

Right now, what does your world look like? I’ll tell you: It looks exactly like you expect it to. You can choose to believe that people are evil, disgusting, twisted, and out to get you… OR you can choose to believe that people are good, loving, compassionate, and doing the best they can. Either way, they’ll prove you right.

Remember that you’ll always find what you’re looking for. If a person were to look for nastiness, deceit, insecurity, and jealousy in me, they’d undoubtedly find it. I know because I found those things when I decided to take a good hard look at myself. Ouch. But I also found humor, love, strength, empathy, and determination. And those are the things I’ve chosen to build on.

The other day I was talking to my brother about my next business venture and comparing it to a past one. He said, “This time will be even better because you’re doing it without the chip on your shoulder.” #littlebrospeaksthetruth

A lot can change in a year. You could be in a new headspace with a lighter heart, a cheerful attitude, encouraging friends, and fresh perspectives.

…Or nothing can change in a year. You could be in the same headspace, with the same bitterness and distrust you had before, waiting for others to say they’re sorry or to take away your pain.

Life is short. I’d rather be in charge of my own happiness.

Well, Shit. (When You’re Dealing with the Same. Crap. Repeatedly.)

Black and White? No Thanks, I’ll Live in the Gray Area

Be A Drama-Avoiding Ninja

Playing the Blame Game? Time to Fold

November 5, 2015January 4, 2017

Simmer Down Wonder Woman. You’ve Got Things to Do.

“OMG what would I do without you????” <—…is very predictably the way I end EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION with my accountant. In case you hadn’t noticed, my brain is a bit more… whimsical? …than my mathematically gifted friend’s.

*pauses to stare at houseplant and daydream for 45 seconds*

Yes, I could force myself to sit down, crunch numbers for hours, and get the job done. But why the hell would I do that when someone else can do the same thing for me in a matter of minutes? It’s not about whether or not I would do a good job; it’s about whether or not it’s my passion, my mission, my contribution, my Thing that I have to offer the world.

Taxes are not my Thing. I ~~need~~ prefer help with those.

“But I just hate asking for help,” says, uh, Every Woman I’ve Ever Met.

Why, though? Why why why? (Seriously. I’m actually asking this. Because I say it too.) Why do we all feel the need to be Wonder Woman? To do it all AND to pull it off with grace and style? Why not feel free to focus on what we do well and allow others to fill in the cracks? When I’m running around like a damn fool trying to do my own bookkeeping, cook my own gourmet meals, design my own killer workouts, paint my own toenails, fix my own website issues, or change my own oil (just kidding- I would never even attempt that last one), I come fairly close to losing my mind! At this point, it becomes necessary to remind myself, “ZOOK!!! You have humans in your life who can help you with each and every one of those things!!!”

“Well, I just don’t like to inconvenience anyone,” is the inevitable next phrase from Every Woman I’ve Ever Met.

Here are my responses to that:

If you are paying someone for their services, you are not an inconvenience. Hire someone to clean your house, plan your workouts, or design your t-shirts. It’s their Thing and it’s how they earn their living. You’re helping each other.
“No.” It’s a word that other humans are free to use if they can’t or don’t want to help. Trust that they will use it.
Do you feel good when you are contributing? Silly question. Of course you do. Well guess what? So does everyone else. Unless you are dealing with a self-absorbed egomaniac, other humans will be more than happy to lend a hand or share their expertise if they are able. If they aren’t able, see #2.

We live in a magical system of give and take. Yet, we find it so difficult to participate. Maybe it will help to remember that THE WORLD HAS A DEEP HUNGER for whatever that special thing is you have to offer.

*pause*

…because holy shit that’s powerful. There is a void you are here to fill. But you can’t offer your Thing if you’re trying to do everybody else’s Things, right? In fact, maybe you’ve been so busy trying to do everything you haven’t even had time to figure out what your Thing is yet! (If that’s the case, much more on that will be coming in the future.)

I love talking to people about muscles and health and stuff. I love reading and writing. I love helping people scheme and troubleshoot life’s conundrums. Those are my Things. I’m not all that great at doling out hugs, staying organized, choosing stylish outfits, or staying on top of social media. (And thank the Universe I’m not responsible for raising any children.) But I’m not worried about not doing it all, because I am surrounded by mind-blowingly gifted and capable individuals (ahem, YOU) who are more than able to pick up the slack.

Thanks everyone, for making my world magical. Really. What would I do without you?

Posts In Which I Have Said the Exact Same Thing Using Different Words:

Why Competition is a Waste of Time, Talent, and Energy

Go Ahead, Show Off! (3 Reasons You NEED to Share Your Talents)