Demons. Annoying little bastards, right? They find your weak spots and keep coming back to taunt you. Bringing heaping loads of shit you thought you’d dealt with. Shit that you “shouldn’t” still be struggling with. Yet, there it is. Rearing it’s ugly head again. It’s almost embarrassing, isn’t it? Discouraging for sure. “Shouldn’t I have my life together by now?” you ask. The answer is:
No, Honey. You’re fine.
I used to think there were A) people who had nice, tidy lives, and B) people who didn’t. People in the first category had excellent willpower, never did anything wrong, and could always be counted on to have the right attitude. *sparkly grin, thumbs up* People in the second category were a lost cause, destined to be a mess forever.
Welllll, that line of thinking sucked, because I definitely wasn’t in the first category…
I have (sort of recently) realized that people in the “A” group don’t exist. If it looks like they do, they’re faking it or you are misreading them. We all have our demons. We all have our wounds, our hurts, our traumas, our soft spots, and our Achilles’ heels. Some we wrestle with publicly, some privately. The thing is, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Have you ever watched a wrestling match? Mat burns, sweat, weird positions, sometimes blood… it’s just NOT a pretty event. Well, darling, neither is learning life lessons.
When you are confronted with a problem (insecurity, anxiety, depression, anger, addictions…), it is usually not a one and done attack. It will resurface over and over – as different people and different circumstances. You get through one battle, and then – oh good god – it strikes again from a different angle. Sucker punching you in the back of the head. Testing you. Seeing how you will react. Watching. “What’s she gonna do next?”
And you know what? Sometimes what you do next is lose the battle.
Hurtful, hateful words fly out of your mouth.
You melt into a puddle and give in to his sweet lies.
You consume peanut butter until your insides stick together.
You stay under the blanket and choose not to face the world.
And yet, other times…
You hold your tongue and are classy AF.
You remember your worth and tell him to piss off.
You consume just the recommended 2 TBSP of peanut butter. (eye roll)
You square your shoulders, put your head up, and go conquer the day.
I hope you’ve done both. I hope you’ve taken the high road and the low road.
I hope you haven’t been perfect. I hope you’ve really gotten to know your demons. Locked lips, rolled around, and done R-rated things with them. Because you know what? Knowing your dark side is knowing yourself.
I have another hope though. My next hope is that you don’t get so comfortable with said demons that you accept their presence forever. I want you to keep fighting. Keep growing stronger and developing new battle strategies. Give yourself some grace and acceptance, and then go again.
Because if you wrestle with your demons enough, eventually you win.
Now, my dears, two things:
- I love, love, love hearing your stories. Do you have demons that feel relentless? Comment or send me a private message and let me know what you’re currently wrestling with. I try to steer blog content toward common themes I notice in all of us.
- Plans for the fall retreat are underway! If you feel like you’ve been wrestling with certain demons and just can’t seem to win, consider joining us for two days and one night. Think of it as a moment to rest, power up, get coached, and work on growing your skills. Stay tuned to the Facebook page for more info. You can also add yourself to this e-mail list so you don’t miss any updates.