kezook

September 4, 2015January 4, 2017

Black and White? No Thanks, I’ll Live in the Gray Area

I had another epiphany at the gym today. Yes, that happens to me a LOT. I was doing squats. I am really good at squats. I have super strong legs so I busted those out no problem. The next station was a shoulder press. I am…. uh, NOT a rockstar at upper body stuff. I climbed into the machine, gave a giant push (and unfortunately a very audible ugly grunt – got some funny looks), then forced out ten rather sorry reps. There was a great deal of sweating and cursing. My left arm even stopped working entirely near the end.

There I went, from feeling like a Powerful, Amazing Conqueror… *record scratch* …to feeling like a frustrated, struggling weakling. In the span of three minutes. Hi, I’m Kristen. I’m strong AND weak. And that, my friends, is a paradox.

I am really good at playing the piano. AND I really suck compared to many.

I am quiet. AND I tell loud stories, have a loud laugh, and am loud when lifting weights.

I am a healthy eater. AND some days all I consume is wine and peanut butter.

I am polite. AND I may use inappropriate language if you cut me off in traffic.

I am active. AND there are times I am stuck in my sweatpants and Kindle for hours.

I am kind. AND I get insecure and say or do unkind things.

keys

Paradoxes are uncomfortable at first because our knee-jerk reaction is to, you know, classify things. Maybe it’s symbolic that I play the piano- I used to prefer black-and-white thinking. It seemed easier. Once I classified a person (including myself), I could proceed to make assumptions about who they were. “That dude is crazy. That woman is a liar. That girl is an airhead.” That doesn’t work in the long run though. As a fascinated observer of human behavior, I have noticed that nobody falls completely into one category all the time. Nobody acts, thinks, and speaks in only the black or white. You’ve witnessed this, I know it. For example, have you seen somebody who is usually calm and collected have a meltdown? Or a person who is known for being brash and abrasive say something profoundly thoughtful?

Ponder: Is it possible for a person to be….

honest AND dishonest?
happy AND sad?
struggling AND succeeding?
confident AND fearful?
lonely AND not alone?

inspired AND tired?
deep-thinking AND light-hearted?
strong AND weak?

Of course it is possible. In fact, all those seemingly incongruent states of being can exist simultaneously. That’s when the dial moves into the gray areas. Today, I find paradoxical thinking comforting rather than disconcerting. It relieves the pressure to be polarized. The world is not black and white. It is impossible to label another human as “all good” or “all bad.” We are all existing somewhere in the gray.

So, relax and settle into the paradoxes. In fact, look for them! Like, “Hey, I am an incredible badass AND a gigantic goofball!”

I would love to hear what paradoxes you find in your own life! As always, your discussion on the Facebook page is very welcome, as are private messages. Your feedback gives me all sorts of ideas for blog topics and coaching material.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. We are all each others’ teachers AND students. <– Hey, look, another one! ❤️

Why I Quit Being A Judgmental A-hole

Perfection: It’s Not A Thing You Guys

Nope, I Don’t Always Take My Own Advice

Judgment is Heavy; Let It Go

August 19, 2015January 4, 2017

There’s A Reason Behind Your Rhyme (What You Can Learn by Observing Yourself)

“Every time I see a striped shirt I think of you Kristen,” said one of my friends.

Me: “Uh… why?”

Her: “Because you always wear striped shirts!”

Me: “I do?”

Her (looking at me funny): “Ummm… yeah, you do.”

Me: “Oh. Huh!” *looks down, notices self wearing striped shirt*

Mhmm. Yes, I see where you might be right.

Ok, besides looking super awesome, stripes are pretty benign. As far as I know, wearing them repeatedly is not a pattern that can make or break our happiness. Buuuuuut…. you know I love analogies…. so….. are there patterns of behavior that have a way bigger effect on us?

Patterns such as these? ↓

Dating the same person over and over in different bodies.
Frustration at work no matter what job you have.
Having the same argument with your significant other time and time again.
Constantly feeling used and abused by family/friends.
Losing and gaining the same ten pounds repeatedly.

^^I bet you could add plenty more to the list, right?

See, I believe the recurring themes in our lives- especially the uncomfortable ones- are there to educate us. They are not random. When patterns show up, it is because we are doing something (consciously or unconsciously) to invite them into our lives.

“I am just over here minding my own business and these shallow, narcissistic d-bags just keep showing up on my doorstep!” [Maybe stop answering the door?]

“I always have to fix everybody’s problems for them!” [Perhaps quit making yourself available to everyone at the drop of a hat?]

“I always end up dating the crazy girls!” [May I suggest evaluating the type of woman you pursue?]

“These last ten pounds will not come off, no matter how hard I try!” [Could it be time to talk sustainable nutrition/exercise plans?]

“You just can’t find good help these days. None of my employees ever work out.” [A clue to investigate your hiring/training/management system?]

“I have had a headache every day for the past three months and I have no idea why!” [Let’s think about hydration, stress, sleep, tension…?]

It’s easy to slip into the victim role. But it sucks to be there. Power = Gone. I recommend taking responsibility for your discomfort. You will be a much more powerful creature when you grab the reins.

Observe and then pinpoint the recurring themes in your life.
Recognize that you are the common denominator. (Which is actually really great! – Because that means your fate isn’t in anybody’s hands but your own.)
Start making changes buddy.

Remember my favorite message: YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. You get to choose your clothes, your beliefs, your relationships, your career, your habits.

Me saying, “I just don’t know why I always attract assholes!” is about the same amount of ridiculous as me saying, “I just don’t understand why I keep wearing stripes!”

*flick* You bought them and put them in your closet, you big goofball.

Buck Furpees: My Thoughts on Karma

I Don’t Make Mistakes (and You Don’t Either)

Playing The Blame Game? Time to Fold

August 5, 2015January 4, 2017

Judgment is Heavy; Let It Go

Some mornings you get yourself out the door efficiently and immaculately. Other mornings you are running around simultaneously brushing your teeth, cursing, and trying to find your car keys. It doesn’t mean you’re a crazy person.

Some days you fit fabulously into your jeans. Other days you are doing the “squat and stretch” just so you can move in them. It doesn’t mean you aren’t gorgeous.

Some days you throw those kettlebells around like nobody’s business. Other days they weigh a freaking ton. It doesn’t mean you’re not strong.

Sometimes you are pulling. Sometimes you are being pulled. It doesn’t mean you’re not important to your team on that tug-o-war rope.

Some days your phone rings, beeps, and vibrates all day. Other days it is so silent you’re sure you accidentally shut it off. It doesn’t mean you are alone.

Sometimes you are poised and graceful. Other times you faceplant going up the stairs and everyone sees it. It doesn’t mean you aren’t awesome.

Some days you sit down at your computer and the words pour from your fingertips. Other days you stare blankly at the blinking cursor. It doesn’t mean you have nothing to say.

Sometimes you feel full of compassion and kindness for those around you. Sometimes you snap at your friends and family. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a loving being.

Some days you feel like a ?. Sometimes you feel like ?. It doesn’t mean you are not valuable.

We human creatures tend to attach meaning to everything that happens. What if, instead, we simply chose to accept? Accept ourselves, others, reality… without judgment. See, it’s in our interpretation of what happens that we become weighed down and heavy with suffering.

I hurt someone’s feelings. >> [I am a horrible person.]
My car was broken into. >> [Everyone is dishonest.]
She was late. >> [She is disrespectful.]
He told a lie. >> [I can trust no one.]
I am carrying extra body fat. >> [I am unattractive.]
I burned dinner. >> [I am a failure.]

Try taking out the [ ]. Observe life as it is. Love people as they are. Love yourSELF as you are.

My beautiful friend Camy recently wrote this post about her journey as a fitness model and trainer who realized she is beautiful and valuable regardless of her body fat percentage. It’s an important lesson as it applies to fitness, but also to life across the board.

Sometimes the waves come. Sometimes they go. Don’t judge the ocean.

Some days bring profound joy and happiness; some days bring unspeakable pain and confusion. Don’t judge them. There are lessons in both.

For C.S. …Every time I can’t find my car keys, I’ll think of you and smile.

Nope, I Don’t Always Take My Own Advice

Perfection: It’s Not A Thing You Guys

Words that Make Us Weak, Part 1 & Part 2