8 Reasons You Need to Go on a Retreat

I am long out of the habit of asking others for their permission to do things.  I don’t need to justify my choices to anyone but myself.  However, sometimes the hardest person to convince… is myself.

As I am gearing up to host the next Catch Your Breath Retreat, I built this list for women who have a hard time convincing themselves to take a break.  If your reaction is like many I’ve heard, (“Ohhhhhh this sounds like exactly what I need!  But [insert reason you couldn’t/wouldn’t/shouldn’t here]”), read this list and see if any of them ring true for you.  If you can close your eyes, picture yourself attending a retreat, and it makes you feel all happy and stuff, there’s the only justification you need.

So.  *Ahem*  8 Reasons You Need to GTF away Go on a Retreat:

1) Focused time to think about you

Most of us spend time thinking about everyone else.  Our kids, our clients, our pets, our significant others, our employees, our coworkers, our friends, our bosses, our neighbors…  Ok, that’s great – we are an empathetic bunch.  However, I am constantly surprised when I ask people questions about themselves that they can’t answer.  Questions such as, “When are you the happiest?  What are you most proud of accomplishing?  What is your deepest fear?  What lights you up the most?  When is the last time you cried?”  I believe these answers should be on the tip of our tongue.  And the only way they’ll get there is if we take time every now and then to get to know ourselves better.

2) Slowing down.

When I ask women to gauge the pace of their lives, I get responses like, “Frantic! Busy! Go-go-going! Time is flying! Non-stop! Crazy!!!!!”  …Sound familiar?  Weird that this is how we describe our day-to-day lives.  Being productive is fine.  Even being busy is fine.  But go-go-going WITHOUT STOPPING TO BREATHE is dangerous.  A retreat  gives you the time to pause without feeling like you need to “be productive” every second of every day.

3) Connection

If you sign up for a retreat, you do so because you are in a certain frame of mind – likely in a place where you’re ready to do some introspection, learn some things, and dig into some deeper stuff.  Well, so are all the other women who signed up for the retreat!  Congratulations, you have automatically surrounded yourself with people who are in the same boat as you.  You know, the people you can text when you’re at you’re wit’s end.  The people who GET IT.  The people who have your back.  The people you want as your friends.

4)  Unplugging

To be “unavailable” every once in a while is a very restorative thing.  What peace to know that the world continues to turn even though you haven’t checked your e-mail for 24 hours.  The sun still rises even though you didn’t respond to that text.  Your family is still alive and well even though you took an extra day to return that phone call.

5) Clearing the clutter

Get out from behind your piles of laundry, paper work, yard work, schedules, appointments, drama, and obligations…  Go to a new, clean, beautiful place where you don’t have to change the sheets or clear the dishes.  You can just enjoy BEING.

6)  Learning

If you’re doing the same thing day after day, year after year, it is hard to pick up new knowledge.  But transplant yourself into a situation where you’re surrounded with new people and being introduced to new ideas, and you will become a sponge for new information.  Then you can return to your life with a deeper perspective or a better understanding.

7) Celebrating

When is the last time you thought about how much you freaking rock?  When did you last give yourself kudos for accomplishing something, or overcoming an obstacle?  When did you last pat yourself on the back for holding it together day after day and smiling and being kind and patient even though you’re exhausted?  When is the last time you had a delicious piece of coffee cake guilt-free?  Or kicked back with a few cocktails and laughed and cried while sharing stories with other women?  Life is a party and we don’t celebrate enough.

8) Taking care of you IS taking care of everyone else.

It isn’t selfish.  How do you treat your loved ones when you are exhausted, fraying around the edges, and stressed to the max?  How do you treat them when you feel well-rested, well-fed, and connected?

If this is all hitting home for you, join us for our next Catch Your Breath Retreat for women who do. it. ALL.  You can read about our last retreat here and see some more info here.

Registration opens 8/22 and closes 9/2.  In the meantime, here is what you can do:

  1. Put yourself on this e-mail list to join the other women who are the first to receive retreat updates.
  2. Share this information with anyone you know who could use a break to catch her breath.
  3. Remember that you are worthy of your own time and attention.  Always.  ❤️

catchyourbreath flyer Sept v1

Wrestling with Our Demons is Not Pretty.  And That’s Ok.

Demons.  Annoying little bastards, right?  They find your weak spots and keep coming back to taunt you.  Bringing heaping loads of shit you thought you’d dealt with.  Shit that you “shouldn’t” still be struggling with.  Yet, there it is.  Rearing it’s ugly head again.  It’s almost embarrassing, isn’t it?  Discouraging for sure.  “Shouldn’t I have my life together by now?” you ask.  The answer is:

No, Honey.  You’re fine.

I used to think there were A) people who had nice, tidy lives, and B) people who didn’t.  People in the first category had excellent willpower, never did anything wrong, and could always be counted on to have the right attitude. *sparkly grin, thumbs up* People in the second category were a lost cause, destined to be a mess forever.

Welllll, that line of thinking sucked, because I definitely wasn’t in the first category…

I have (sort of recently) realized that people in the “A” group don’t exist.  If it looks like they do, they’re faking it or you are misreading them.  We all have our demons.  We all have our wounds, our hurts, our traumas, our soft spots, and our Achilles’ heels.  Some we wrestle with publicly, some privately.  The thing is, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Have you ever watched a wrestling match?  Mat burns, sweat, weird positions, sometimes blood… it’s just NOT a pretty event.  Well, darling, neither is learning life lessons.

When you are confronted with a problem (insecurity, anxiety, depression, anger, addictions…), it is usually not a one and done attack.  It will resurface over and over – as different people and different circumstances.  You get through one battle, and then – oh good god – it strikes again from a different angle.  Sucker punching you in the back of the head.  Testing you.  Seeing how you will react.  Watching.  “What’s she gonna do next?”

And you know what?  Sometimes what you do next is lose the battle.

Hurtful, hateful words fly out of your mouth.

You melt into a puddle and give in to his sweet lies.

You consume peanut butter until your insides stick together.

You stay under the blanket and choose not to face the world.

And yet, other times…

You hold your tongue and are classy AF.

You remember your worth and tell him to piss off.

You consume just the recommended 2 TBSP of peanut butter. (eye roll)

You square your shoulders, put your head up, and go conquer the day.

I hope you’ve done both.  I hope you’ve taken the high road and the low road.

I hope you haven’t been perfect. I hope you’ve really gotten to know your demons.  Locked lips, rolled around, and done R-rated things with them.  Because you know what?  Knowing your dark side is knowing yourself.

I have another hope though.  My next hope is that you don’t get so comfortable with said demons that you accept their presence forever.  I want you to keep fighting.  Keep growing stronger and developing new battle strategies.  Give yourself some grace and acceptance, and then go again.

 Because if you wrestle with your demons enough, eventually you win.

 

Now, my dears, two things:

  1. I love, love, love hearing your stories.  Do you have demons that feel relentless?  Comment or send me a private message and let me know what you’re currently wrestling with.  I try to steer blog content toward common themes I notice in all of us.
  2. Plans for the fall retreat are underway!  If you feel like you’ve been wrestling with certain demons and just can’t seem to win, consider joining us for two days and one night.  Think of it as a moment to rest, power up, get coached, and work on growing your skills.  Stay tuned to the Facebook page for more info.  You can also add yourself to this e-mail list so you don’t miss any updates.

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Perfection: It’s Not A Thing You Guys

Well, Shit.  (When You’re Facing the Same. Crap. Repeatedly.)

Judgment Is Heavy.  Let It Go.

I Recommend Ripping Up Your Shit List

It is probable that you haven’t met even one person who has never been mistreated.  We’ve all been lied to, used, abused, ostracized, and beaten down.  It is part of the human experience.  And we shouldn’t minimize it.  Being wounded profoundly shapes who we are.  Often, in an effort to prevent being wounded by the same person again, we build up a wall of defense, by holding a grudge and adding said person to our Shit List.  

Here’s what we do with people on our Shit Lists:

  • Roll our eyes when they walk into the room or when their name is mentioned.
  • Use social media posts to be cruel or passive aggressive.
  • Gossip about them behind their backs.
  • Try and get others to take our side.
  • Go to our graves being bitter about the hurt they caused us.

As a human, I have experienced a very fair share of mistreatment.  …And don’t think it doesn’t piss me off.  Haaaa nope.  I get pissed.  Like, fuming pissed.  Like, smoke coming out of nostrils, cover your grandma’s ears, ready to punch a wall pissed.  And that’s not a bad thing.  (Anger shows me that there is a person or a situation I need to address and/or move away from.)  But staying red-hot mad long-term?  You know, like having a mental list of people that raise my heart rate or make me want to seek some sort of revenge?  That’s just an unhealthy waste of energy.

When I hear, “Ugh.  He’s on my list,” I know what I’m really hearing is, “I’m expending valuable energy holding a grudge against a person that likely will not change just because I’m mad at her/him.”

Guess what?  We’re all gonna let each other down.  We’re all gonna say hurtful things.  We can’t avoid this fact of life.  We can walk around feeling abused and injusticed and victimized, OR we can take ownership and responsibility for who we allow to stay in our lives and our minds.

When you’ve been wounded, well-meaning people will advise you to                “just let it go.”  

“Haha just fuck you.  No.”         …is an understandable response.

I’ve been there.  I know how hard it is to just keep your mouth shut, smile, and let. it. go.  So here’s what I’ve found that works for me.  Maybe it will help some of you.

*ahem*

How To Not Have A Shit List:

1)  Tell people when they’ve hurt you or let you down.  Be an adult and face them.  Don’t talk behind their back.  Don’t try and get others to take sides.  Just face the person.

2)  If they respond unfavorably (i.e. keep behaving the same way, ridicule you for being hurt, minimize your feelings, lie to get out of responsibility), then get away from them.

3)  Once a safe distance away, wish them well.  No, I’m serious.  Really send good will/thoughts/energy their way.  Don’t expect them to come around and apologize.  If they do, it’s just icing on the delicious cake of peace and freedom that you are already experiencing without their apology.

4) If you do happen to cross paths with them, try these:

  • Be a decent and courteous human when you bump into them.
  • Don’t join in any gossip or badmouthing about them.
  • Remember that being an asshole to an asshole only creates more… assholery.
  • If you’re feeling really unfuckwithable, try saying something nice about them behind their back.
  • Smile and be grateful that they came into your life to teach you something.

(^^When people talk about “spreading good vibes,” this is what they mean.)

A Shit List says, “You hurt me.  I want to hurt you back.”

But sit with this alternative for a moment: “You hurt me.  I want you to feel happy and loved enough that you stop hurting others.  I wish you well.”

Dunno about you, but the second feels much better to me.

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