kezook

February 23, 2016January 4, 2017

My Crystal Ball Sucks (Blogaversary Post)

Announce to your friends/family/houseplant that you are going to do something (quit your job, start working out, move away, learn a concerto, go back to school, start a business, travel the world, write a book, sing Rolling In the Deep at karaoke night) and the reactions will be varied:

“That’s a cute dream honey. Hope it works out for you.”

“Welp, you’re either brave or stupid!”

“Oh that’s WONDERFUL! You’re so amazing! C’mere and gimme a high five!”

“Uhhh… how you gonna make money doing that?”

“Pssh. Must be nice to have that kind of time. Lucky.”

Make the same announcement to yourSELF and you can count on equally varied reactions:

[says to mirror:]

“YES. Let’s fucking do this.”

“Ohhhhh shitshitshitshitshit I take it back I don’t wanna do it anymore!”

“BEST decision I ever made!”

“WORST decision I ever made!”

“Am I brave? Am I stupid? I don’t even know – I’m just gonna have some peanut butter and hide under this blanket.”

We’re all (you + me + everyone else) a little bit clueless about what will happen when you go with your gut.

We don’t know whether you will be successful or not. We don’t know if you are insane or a genius. We don’t know if you’re following your heart or other humans. We don’t know if you’ll make money or lose money. We don’t know if people will agree or disagree. We don’t know if it will go down smooth or burn like hell. We don’t know if spectators will throw flowers or tomatoes at you. We just don’t know.

Take this blog for example. When I started it, I couldn’t articulate exactly why. In fact, I could see lots of reasons NOT to do it. The only reason I had to DO it was that I wanted to. I didn’t foresee that putting words to my thoughts would cause me to

get the crazy idea for my first event or

look at life through a whole new set of goggles or

start wading through all my own shit or

connect with people all over the planet or

realize how quick I am to blame others or

see that there are no bad humans…

(Clearly you interact with me at your own risk. If our paths cross, you’re fair game for ~~over~~analysis.)

I have moments of apathy. Moments of stress. Moments of fear. Moments of doubt. Moments of annoyance. But they are just moments, and as all moments do, they pass. And then I’m left with this …thing… that I’ve created, that I love, that I’m excited about, and that I’m sure as hell glad I started even though I couldn’t predict its trajectory.

Sept. 2014. This is what it looks like when my gut talks to me.

So, regarding uncertainty: Unless you have a crystal ball that works way better than mine, there is no way to be sure of how things will turn out when those sparks catch fire. But guess what? YOU CAN HANDLE WHATEVER HAPPENS LIKE A BOSS. Don’t get too attached to how things “should” end up. Work hard, be kind, and stick with your gut, regardless of what people (you included) say. Usually, reality turns out much better than you ever could have mapped out in your iCal anyway. ❤️

February 3, 2016January 4, 2017

Everyone LOVES Me! dodges tomato

Proverbial “haters” can range on a spectrum from mild (the ones who roll their eyes and groan when you talk about your latest activity/project/workout) to severe (those who bully, badmouth, and torment). Haters gonna hate, right?

Well, that’s one way of looking at it. Today, I’d like to present another.

Byron Katie is famously known for claiming, “The whole world loves me, they just don’t know it yet.”

Right. At this point you might be saying, “Ummmmm, excuse me Ms. Katie, but I am 100% certain that I have a ~~couple~~ few haters. Like, people who’ve made it emphatically clear that they wish I was not alive. You’re saying they not only don’t hate me, but that they love me? Don’t think so, Sugar. I’d have to be living in a pretty big fantasy (complete with unicorns and hobbits) to believe that.”

Well, Katie is not some delusional narcissist; she’s actually a brilliant speaker and author. (Read this book NOW.) She is coming from the angle that every single human we encounter is a teacher.

That ex who constantly made fun of you, lied to you, and belittled you? Showed you where to find your buried reserves of strength and independence when it was time to leave. What a gift.

That troll online who criticized your posts and/or pictures? Taught you how to respond with dignity and resiliently keep posting. What a gift.

That drama queen who gossiped and spread rumors about you and your character? Caused you to get your act together and begin to analyze whether you are truly living within your integrity or not. What a gift.

That pain-in-the-ass customer who e-mailed at all hours of the day/night and complained about everything? Helped you find your sense of humor and stay on your A-game in business. What a gift.

That jerk wad who criticized your body, pointing out every imperfection? Led you to find new friends who see you as fit, beautiful, and radiant. What a gift.

That hater who called you names and threw a rotten tomato at you when you got up on stage to perform? Improved your reflexes and perhaps inspired you to join a dodgeball team (or at least seek out new marinara recipes). What a gift.

Stick with me here, but when a person instigates a change in me that ultimately makes me better, I can’t find the hate. Even if their words/actions seem hateful, I see a gift. I see that I’ve been molded into a stronger, savvier, more empathetic ME. Then, without an ounce of sarcasm or bitterness, I can truly say “thank you” to the haters and wish them nothing but love and good will as I move on to the next set of lessons.

^^I posted this pic on my Facebook and Instagram pages yesterday. I was so amused by the polarity of the two books that were side by side on my desk. Though they were completely different in motive, each taught me something valuable… just like the human versions of friends and assholes.

So whether they love you, hate you, think they hate you, whatever… It doesn’t matter; you can choose gratitude. This is being unfuckwithable. This is deciding to feel loved in every situation that presents itself. This is how flipping your mindset changes the entire world from unfriendly to friendly. Yeah. You’ve got that kind of power.

Seriously, Tell Me to “Be Grateful” One More Time…

You’re A Grown-Up; No Permission Needed

A Lot Can Change In A Year. Or Not. (Thoughts for When You Feel Misunderstood)

January 30, 2016January 4, 2017

Dude. Breathe.

The other day, in the midst of a delightfully vomilicious workout involving a barbell, burpees, and situps, I was instructed by the trainer to breathe. Like, he actually had to remind me to inhale, then exhale. Embarrassing. Because that should be an automatic thing, right? In theory, yes, but as the minutes ticked away my breathing got shallower, my form went to shit, and I ended up stumbling from one task to the next. Frantic. Exhausted. Cross-eyed.

“Dude, stop. Calm down. Breathe.” he said.

I squinted in disbelief (and because of the sweat in my eyes). “Uhhhh…. perhaps you’ve forgotten… you just gave me approximately a million reps to complete and I have to do them rightnowbeforetheclockbuzzesalsoImightpassoutanysecondnowand I DON’T FREAKING HAVE TIME TO STOP AND BREATHE, YOU ~~SON-OF-A~~ nice, helpful man!”

…Seriously, though. Calm down and breathe??? Easier said than done when you’ve got a lot going on (in workouts or life in general).

When life gets busy, painful, difficult, stressful, whatever… our tendency is to grit our teeth and bear down even harder.

“You want me to stop and breathe? F off, I’ve gotta finish all these reps! I’ve gotta file this paperwork, return 73 e-mails, and stay late for that meeting! I’ve gotta cook healthy meals, track my calories, and be at the gym every morning at 5am! I’ve gotta smooth things over with that friend and touch base with this one. I’ve gotta keep smiling, never cry, and bite back my words! I’ve gotta vacuum my car, make an appearance at that party, and buy toilet paper! Never mind that I’m exhausted, cranky, and forgot to pencil in one eyebrow this morning – THERE IS NO TIME TO SLOW DOWN!!!!!”

Before we know it, we’re stumbling from task to task, forgetting which way is up, and becoming more frantic all the time. (If you can relate, you’re either smiling or cringing right now.)

Dude, stop. Calm down. Breathe. Doing so is not a waste of time. It is, in fact, the most useful, productive action you can take. It turns panic into determination. It turns chaos into inspiration. It turns a forced smile into a genuine one. It turns a heavy barbell into a lighter one. It allows you to do your job like a frigging boss.

Whether your job is to clean and jerk a heavy weight,

or not fall over in yoga,

or approach other humans with graciousness and respect,

or rock it in business,

or turn heads in your new jeans,

or exit your bed and face another day,

or set a good example for young people,

or support a friend going through tough stuff,

or be a breath of fresh air and cheerfully kick ass at life,

you will do it best if you aren’t drowning in a sea of “I’ve gottas.”

One of my friends/workout buddies/unofficial life coaches – This gal is a living, breathing definition of “cheerfully kicking ass.”

You can’t be your most awesome self if you never come up for air. So set the barbell down. Push your to-do list aside. Close your laptop early. Extend your weekend. Enjoy the view from the top of that rope. Breathe, breathe, breathe.